Can't Take It

My back's against the wall
Trying too hard not to fall
I stopped answering calls
All I got is my word and my balls

I'm tired of feeling used
So abused and misused
Always played for a fool
My heartbeat's quiet and bruised

Die or live by gripping a tool
So much pain infused
Streets never play by rules
I just wanna shine like jewels

Reminiscing years without Mike
Crazy to see mountains we hike
Just a handful of niggas left
Came so far from days of theft

Gotta few niggas that's locked
Gotta few niggas that's pine boxed
Hustle was never knocked
Life's a bitch that outfoxed

A lot of youngins dreams
Nightmares were real life scenes
You seen someone breathe a last time
Or fear in eyes from the flash of a nine

Honestly probably not
Masking my emotions a lot
Showing love will get you got
Climax becomes a dirt plot

Seeing death before adolescence
Why I question God's presence
If every decision's a lesson
Why did Mike face a Smith N' Wesson

Yo we were really wilding
See niggas on islands smiling
Look at success accomplished
Instead I'm living guarded

Cause tomorrow's not promised
My tears are discarded
From a life bombarded
Say my prayers for the departed

Senseless death and loss
Is this the cost of a Boss
Michael Corleone visions
Soldiers lost on missions

I can't take it anymore
Grip a four-four kick in doors
Blood splatter decorates decor
Ice and I had to settle scores

Demons wanted that get back
Roll like ceelo for a head crack
Couldn't rest until Mike's avenged
His death was hard to comprehend

Our tear drops aren't tatted
Killer's within remain hidden
Can't believe that one nigga ratted
Now it has to be good riddance

Waking up to feel this prison
Wish I could see my fallen arisen
Loved ones on memory pendants
VV's shine for their remembrance

Life's real when you're a defendant
How will I feed my dependent
When I'm behind concrete slabs
Freedom is what the judge grabs

You can't understand what I feel
Is Heaven even real
Did the Devil and God make a deal
I take a moment to kneel

Father forgive me for transgressions
I have so many unanswered questions
You know my intent to load weapons
Life changes in seconds

And I can feel these possessions
Taking a hold of my impressions
Demons working their deceptions
Feeding off of my depressions

Workings of a damaged mind
Search for a soul I can't find
My lost innocence as a youth
Crying so many tears in this booth

How much more can I take
Is this meant to make me great
When I smile it's fake
All of my love turned to hate

And I can't figure out when
Not knowing if I'll be the same again
You're made mice or made men
My dead and locked down I represent