Not Fine

I've been waiting on a sign since I was only a kid
Painted pictures in my mind the type of life I would live
I could never expect
Never believe
That anything good could happen to me
I've been sitting with my thoughts longer than ever before
Meditated on mistakes just to make room for more
Imperfection is in fashion, and I wear it with pride
To match emotions on my sleeve just to prove that I'm fine

But I'm not fine
I'm just playing pretend
I don't want to disappoint you
While I'm losing myself again
And it's not fine
The way I spend my days
To be feeling this way
As often as I do

I've been walking with a shadow made of fear and of doubt
Takes some deeper conversations just to figure me out
I can't fight what I've been feeling cuz I'm feeling uneasy
Pretty sure if I was happy, it still wouldn't please me

Cuz I'm not fine
I'm just playing pretend
I don't want to disappoint you
While I'm losing myself again
And it's not fine
The way I spend my days
To be feeling this way
As often as I do

And I know that it gets better
I know that I'll be good
I would fight for self-forgiveness
If I could

But for now, I'm not fine
I'm just playing pretend
I don't want to disappoint you while I'm losing myself again
And it's not fine
The way I spend my days
To be feeling this way
As often as I do

This music feels like breathing
These notes take up my lungs
This melody is speaking
These lyrics on my tongue

This music feels like breathing
These notes take up my lungs
This melody is speaking
To the person I've become

But for now, I'm not fine
I'm just playing pretend
I don't want to disappoint you while I'm losing myself again
And it's not fine
The way I spend my days
To be feeling this way
To be feeling this way
As often as I do



Credits
Writer(s): Alexa Lash
Lyrics powered by www.musixmatch.com

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