Bigger Pictures

And when I was one, was just the first son
To carry the burden, I was barely a person
My folks were young but committed
To keep up their end of the bargain
Protect me from harm and grow a garden

I was loved, I was fed, might sleep through the night
I was taught how to talk
And how to read you from left to right
I learned to argue and fight from a distance
Where my vulnerability gets no recognition

And by the time I was 11, I was already defensive
An extension of the environment and reinforced messages
Preemptively believed eventually I'll be a failure
To my family and friendships
And when you mix it and blend it with contemporary pressures of adolescence
Emphasis on the consensus of a book full of portraits, but didn't consider
That we've been sketching stick figures underneath bigger pictures

And on my 21st birthday already had my first-born baby boy
And maybe homie saved my life
But Papa kept the motor running
I'ma come and see ya later
Tryna color up some paper

Tryna to make this right
I realize most experiences are coincidental
But I'll never let go of these regrets I hold
That's why the pieces that were missing always felt more special
Better bring some bigger pencils to sketch my soul

But yo, when I was 31, both ends burnin' 'em
Thought that I was lost in the jungle
But I was in search of somethin'
Learnin' how to deconstruct my puzzle
Permanently nervous I was in love with the hustle

The devil went to hell just to sell that selfishness
They tried to make me feel important, I fell for it
Embarrassment, trepidation
Plus a healthy dose of self-imposed limitations
Over my own illustrations

And when I struggled with the number 41
I had a couple more sons
And it feel like my real life had just begun
It's getting harder to translate
It's likely I've already played my part of this landscape

And all of this time, I'd been following my design
Tryna find a little solace in how the stars align
It kind of looks like glitter
But every pixelated flicker
Gets the proper position in the biggest of pictures

And when I was 51

On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on

On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on

On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on

On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on

On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on

On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on