When She's Jingling my Bells

Jingle bells
Jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride
Your old fatass wife

I'm making these toys, all year long
Breaking my hands, making them strong
Never get a break, I'm up real late
All year long till Christmas Day
Forced by the Fat Man, chugging a beer can
Ask for a rest, he goes off like the Taliban
I might be short, and I smoke a lot of Newports
But if I'm riled up, I'll kick down your fucking door

I'm breaking these chains, your gonna be maimed
Fuck those toys, your gonna be flamed
My revenge will be loud, we're gonna be proud
Hanging up your corpse, wild goes the crowd
I'll blow your mind, your gonna find
When you mess up, your bones I'll grind
Your end will be sour, within the next hour
Your body will fall, like the twin towers

Your as fat as Nikocado, and I'm the desperado
I'll hit you with my truck, a chevy Silverado
I'm in my prime, committing war crimes
I'll drone strike your house, it's about time
The line you have crossed, I'll call up Jack Frost
He has some Zyklon B, Another Holocaust
We'll be executing, burning and looting
It'll be easy, like a school shooting

Jingle, Jingle, all the way
Swinging round this dick like I'm fucking gay
Rizz Up Mrs. Claus and she's sucking on my meat
Got me shaking and screaming like a porn cliché

Ms. Claus bouncing up and down this big ass tip.
While you're out on your little business trip.
The ho ho ho likes to steal the fucking show
So I keep her down behind me like a motherfucking shadow

Get in the Christmas spirit while I'm plowing your old lady
Treat her like a gentleman cause your ass is like eighty
Fuck her in your bed till four and make her scream and beg for more
Tuck her in goodnight before I head for what I came here for

Once I finish all that, best prepare for the finale
Bout to knock some shit down like a fucking bowling alley
Your furry reindeer friends are bout to meet their fucking end
Cuz I'll rock their shit like a vegan with a veggie blend

Rudolph with your nose so bright
Watch your reindeer pals die in one fuckin' night
Strap 'em all with C four
Fly 'em to a superstore
They go boom like Kamikaze in the Second World War

Massacre the deer like 1994 Rwanda
Run 'em over in my car at 90 miles an hour
Put 'em in a free-for-all
And douse 'em all with alcohol
Then light 'em, watch 'em burn and die
Like Sun Yue playing' basketball

You wiretap the kids just like Watergate
Your a king sized douche, I'm thinking Andrew Tate
You embody everything I could ever hate
When I think about your death I just masturbate

But I don't need to now, cause I got yo wife
She lookin kinda thick, fuck her outta spite
Only took a couple seconds, I'm feeling alive
Chugged a eggnog and a sprite, and now I'm revived

It's a great time, even though she's old as hell
She's got the energy of a gazelle
After while, I started to feel unwell
She gave me soup, and she's Jingling my Bells

Suddenly the door came crashing down
She stood up and put on a night gown
In came Santa Clause, with a large frown
"Fisticuffs." he said. "The final showdown."

"I am American, kill you with my shuriken
Jack your stuff and take your land, hit you with a frying pan
I'll shoot with my Glock, hit you with my rocky sock
Wearing my new Gucci crocs, I'll rip your off fucking cock

I am The President, put you in my dark basement
You read the Old Testament? Frogs and flies and hail I send
I'll kick your fucking ass, run it through some broken glass
Prepare for my anal blast, This day will become your last