Sick of Myself

What's torment if you're born into it?
So you've never known different?
Forced into it, as you poured into it
All of your tears and seared your skin to it
With Scorn, I'll become more intimate
Forever, 'cause I can't short infinite
I am awake but I'm tied to my fate
No escape when the rope has no more give to it
Am I of a primordial origin?
Or did somebody conjure a corpse again?
How organic, the horrors? Abhorrent
A prison of bone and my body's a form of it
As I'm foragin' for any nourishin'
Sources of hope, which, surely, I'm forgin'
The judge and the jury, I'm certainly more than
Court is in session and I'm gettin' sworn in
I can't fashion a weapon of organs
Sickenin', twisted, threaded with thorns
And although I've fallen, I've found my reform
Harvest a halo, harness some horns
Getting harder to follow my heart
With the modular structure fallin' apart
To be swallowed whole, every soul retaken
Symbiotic, all forsaken

I'm another abandoned creation
(You think you're livin' in Hell?
Listen, I've been there myself)
I've been bent over backwards, I'm breakin'
(Imprisoned within my cells
I'm gettin' sick of myself)
I did not give my all, it was taken
(I was spat outta Hell
I wear the stigmata well)
I've been scorned and I'm scared to awaken
(Because I sicken myself
So fuckin' sick of myself)

(I get so sick of myself)
(So fuckin' sick of myself)
(I get so sick of myself)

My genesis, directionless
No intended cosmic purpose
In the end, can I make any sense of it?
Maybe the cost of my blood was worth it
Cursed with the burden to become conscious
A labyrinth of lies I'm lost in
Caution, a question to God is toxic
Sorry if you got one, drop it
Call it survival, swallow your pride
Solvin' a puzzle of body and mind
As I'm untyin' the knot in my spine
All these entrails are probably mine
To falter or fail is not my design
But why am I finding it all intertwined?
These are the seeds of a garden, divine
But the fruit isn't ripe if it's rotten inside
Depravity and despair
Sense of gravity's not even there
Too many questions up in the air
Findin' my strength while losin' my hair
Got a code in my DNA
Even though I don't know it, I keep it safe
But that won't matter if it's all connected
Eyes wide open, no perspective

If faith made us able to stand
Logic knocked me right down to my knees
'Cause that faith hides the face of a sham
And God is not talkin' to me
I was one of his sheep (But lyin' under the wool)
A wolf was hiding his teeth (I am abominable)
Praytell if he's walkin' with you
Why the Hell ain't he talkin' to me?

Now, how can I start to believe?

I'm another abandoned creation
(You think you're livin' in Hell?
Listen, I've been there myself)
I've been bent over backwards, I'm breakin'
(Imprisoned within my cells
I'm gettin' sick of myself)
I did not give my all, it was taken
(I was spat outta Hell
I wear the stigmata well)
I've been scorned and I'm scared to awaken
(Because I sicken myself
So fuckin' sick of myself)

(I get so sick of myself)
(So fuckin' sick of myself)
(I get so sick of myself)
(So fuckin' sick of myself)
(I get so sick of myself)
(So fuckin' sick of myself)
(I get so sick of myself)
(So fuckin' sick of myself)