The Bridge (feat. Torey D'Shaun)

Where is God when I'm tryin' to take my life?

It's only a matter of time

There he is, there he was
Lost boy, king's son
Make 'em sing, make 'em feel some'in
Write until your pen break
Or screen crack to heal some'in
I'm not better

I was 11 the first time I thought to take my life
That's too young for that
Something in my head ain't right
At 24, maybe my chemicals are off
It's in my DNA, my heritage off
So who's to blame for that?

Who can I aim it at?
Jesus took the weight for that
But how long can I wait for that
I'm sick of lying

They told me time flies, I think it glides
I'm only closer to the ground as it passes me by
I found a funny video, was me as a child
But I remember that day, that boy was suicidal
That boy was closer to the edge than he'd been in a while
He planned to throw himself from a bridge after handing out smiles
If you ask him, he say he's fine with his hand on the word
He might've told you that he was tired, exhausted from work
He might've said he felt out of place with his fam' at church
But he meant he felt out of place being alive on this earth, yeah

I know this life is fragrant
We all got used to fakin' it
I thought that I could take it
I guess the truth is, dangerous
Don't cry, don't cry
Deny, deny, deny
Can't let 'em, don't let 'em
Don't let them see

Truth is, sometimes I pray that melatonin works the speed of light
So I can say I ain't had no thoughts of endin' it tonight
So I can say that I was fast asleep in God's hand
Therapy can't work for me, how could I trust another man?

Yeah, satan must've thought he hit a gold mine
Because I hated me like he hated me the whole time
Accepted everything that he would say to me with no qualms
Actin' like he's the one that painted me

I, I know God is walkin' with me
But depression ain't disappearing 'cause he is not Houdini
Don't tell me that He ain't there just 'cause you see me bleeding
You keep talkin' like you see through me
Then you gon' have to see me, for real

True hope comes in darkest places
'Cause when I made my bed in hell he was face-to-face
And so I tatted Coram Deo that's my invitation
I know His presence always thick, it's in the thinnest spaces

Yeah, but I'm still here
Still healin', I'm still hurtin'
That kid somewhere that been on the edge, remind me it's worth it
We fightin' lions, walkin' on ropes, we live at the circus
But Jesus chose to die so I wouldn't
I'm here on purpose, yeah

Now I bow my head and pray
Further and racin' to the pain
Thank You, God, all of your grace on me
One day, I'll be okay
Show me, one day, I'll be okay
I know one day I'll be okay