Federal Express

Welcome back to our regularly scheduled programming
Your humble host had a minor mental breakdown
But his medication's back in order
I'm here for a good time
Not a long one
Let's go

You see, living is only dying in slow motion
And growing up was mostly a calendar
I have a master's degree in social skills and anxiety pills
Money talks, people scream and the masses are shaking their asses

Now I'm riding in on a tidal wave
On a boat of Papier-mâché
And I like Tom Hanks in Castaway
Hoping that God one day
FedEx will sponsor me too

That's short for Federal Express
So he went, "Mister, Mister
How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
I usually put my morning coffee in the microwave

Life's a box of chocolates and somehow
Somehow, I'm allergic to chocolates
In retrospect, I guess it was all quite alright

Now I'm riding in on a tidal wave
On a boat of Papier-mâché
And I like Tom Hanks in Castaway
Hoping that God one day
FedEx will sponsor me too

And I like Tom Hanks in castaway
Hoping that God one day
FedEx will sponsor me too

There's still some things I haven't told you about
I probably should though
Listen up

I look better in pictures
I'm lactose intolerant
I can't speak French
I think my best days are behind me

I'm a disappointment to my parents
I don't have a driver's licence
I lie, I steal, I cheat

Now I'm riding in on a tidal wave
On a boat of Papier-mâché
And I like Tom Hanks in Castaway
Hoping that God one day
FedEx will sponsor me too

And I like Tom Hanks in castaway
Hoping that God one day
FedEx will sponsor me too

This is me calling out to you, Federal Express
I'm hoping that God one day
FedEx will sponsor me too