Basement Blues

I been avoiding my phone, I been a little evasive
I been breaking down, like how'd I get back in the basement
How'd I get back on the couch, I'm not trying to recline
Got way more on the line than feds on the other line
Feel like a wire is on me, y'all in the white vans
Listening to self incrimination like damn it bangs
Love how I make it look easy, hate telling people it's hard
Life been giving me hands, who letting down their guard
Not me
Mama said she see the vision, told me Godspeed
And not to be afraid to pray and say what God needs
To do to put you in position, to meet your full potential
But room to grow don't come without paying for incidentals
Paying for the grace that I've loaned to too many
The cost, my best interest, they ain't pay back any
So now, open hands get greeted with closed fists
A middle finger and gifted a broke wrist
The real ones exempt, hope they feel no slight
When I decline linking up, I want no invites, nah
I'm in the house til my head get right
All this weight sit on my shoulders, trying to shed a little light
I don't need no one to talk, I ain't looking for pity
Rather keep my head down and stay distracted being busy
When everybody got you but nobody really get you
I can only save me, no one coming to my rescue

My stream of thoughts now streaming
This reality is not it, so I'm still dreaming
Between the snakes I been weeding
And the people that been leaving
All I'm left with are my demons
The liquor couldn't drown em, they just learned to swim
Tried to smoke em out, all they did was light my sins
They just gossip to each other like we hate him
Got the mirror talking to me like we ain't kin
I ain't got the energy today to be the strong friend
My mans mom passed, where's my strength to lend
My heart is guilt ridden, please forgive him
These burdens are mine alone to bear so I keep hidden
I sleep on black pillowcases so they hide the stains
Cracking jokes and causing laughter all disguise the pain
My brain treats overthinking as me knowing about
Swear my mom's the only reason I ain't
Tried to put on for this place that I hate so much
Give a little back but this place take so much
Damn, all I ever did was try to show love
Now I aim for your wig when push comes to shove
Built an igloo left side of my chest
Love got evicted now it houses regret
Roommates with some grudges, anger's the landlord
Got em living in the back cause they always being ignored