Imminent Collapse

How could I do this a thousand times
And still look you in the eye with the same excuses
I've tried to let my faith rely on the strength of better men
Who are capable and rid of the vile

Worship comes in waves of self entitlement
What comes next is calculated carnage

Give me the knife
Cut my only desire
Deaf dumb wasted and tired
Yet you're here choosing union of flesh and a child
Here's my escape from the world
I think I'll stay here for awhile

Remember my name, the curse that I owned
Carved in this ever fading stone
It wasn't our time, so take this advice
Never regret the times you felt alive

We both die a million different lives
With each word that hangs across the air
So putrid with a million different lies
It's me, it's not your fight
It's a war of broken hemispheres
And trenches deep enough to bury light

Light comes in abandonment of walls we build
Breaking through each selfish brick of solitude

Show me the right way down this miserable path
Without the need of collapse
Of the mind of the body of secrets I've kept
Here now I'll give it a chance...
But I won't give it my best

So let's lay this all to rest
So we both know that there's
No coming back from this

What if I decide that I am done with
The daily battle of the vices
And self inflict as many wounds
As relapses I kept hid

There's no escaping what you're born with
As compulsive as I'm imbalanced
You tried your best to be the strength that I
Don't deserve for a lifetime