Trombone Champ: The Musical Menace

There was a thundering toot last Tuesday afternoon
It wasn't long before a couple more arranged a tune!
We stepped outside and finally found
The guy behind that awful sound
A dumpy one-man-band, with horn in a hand
Just airing his toots around
We told the Trombone Champ the cops were arriving soon
But it was all for naught, for he had brought his pet baboon!
With every note that trombone played
And every toot and turd it made
I felt a big, fat drop of rain on my parade
Every time we'd eat the trombone would play a prelude or suite
Every quiet game came to blows!
"Uno!"
Each time I felt sick
The monkey was quick to play me a lick
I don't want no treble
But I'm basically convinced that he's completely addicted!
Music might be nice, but this was more than we could bare
Before I go mad and tear out all my hair!
The trombone tried to softly lull me off to sleep
But all those e's and g's disrupt my z's while counting sheep
I'd love to lay in bed and snooze
But I'm about to blow my fuse!
And if I kill this pest and trombonist
I'll probably make the news
He doesn't sleep or eat this creature never quits!
That pesky pit band pest keeps playing, and it's just the pits!
With every staff, he stirs up strife
While playing solos for my wife!
His every breath has somehow wrecked my prefect life!
Nothing's hard as doing your nails
While the Trombone Champ is practicing scales
And those calls on Zoom while the trombone wails
Are just drop-dead maddening!
I can't read 'cause my ears are bleeding
I'm pleading for refrain!
But all we get's a new duet, and it's
Driving us completely insane!
And now it's been this way since Tuesday afternoon
Trapped with the Trombone Champ in concert with his pet baboon
No matter what we'd do or say
We couldn't make him go away!
He's made himself at home with his trombone
And now we know he's here to stay!