An Old Promise

Yeah
Alright, look

I do my best to hide my pain and try to isolate
That's the only place I find is safe, at night I lie awake
There's nothing I won't try to take until my mind is blank
I disassociate and disconnect entirely from time and space
The perfect high that I spent my whole life to chase
If I knew the time I'd waste just trying to find escape
They say some divine faith will decide my fate
So I carry that weight just in case a better life awaits

Let go of the shame but hold on to the pain
Now I long for the days things no longer feel the same
I was wrong and took the blame, got stronger from the pain
Hope you remember me and not the monster I became
And I'm still so angry but I have to let it go
Cause if I can't forgive you then who will forgive me
You'll never even know but I choose to let it go
Cause if I can't forgive you, who will forgive me

There'll come a day where this all fades away
Just know that I'm keeping that promise we made
I'm the only one left so believe when I say
I wouldn't have left if it meant you would stay

Yeah, I guess that part of my life is over
I got my mind sober, I'm still trying to find closure
Sometimes I feel fine, other days it's all I think about
I know I'm missing out but I chose to take a different route
There's a lot of things I've grown to regret
I can't move on yet but I hope to forget
It's hot and I'm freezing then it's cold and I sweat
A dark pit in my stomach and a hole in my chest

You'll always have a piece of me but I made my peace with that
Some days it beats me back but I still proceed to act
Keep it on track for the search of a redeeming path
Until I'm free at last and can finally leave it in the past
I'd trade it all away and it wouldn't take much
For nights I laid down and prayed that I wouldn't wake up
If it goes unnoticed and fate doesn't know or care
I'll keep that old promise and I'll wait when there's no one there

There'll come a day where this all fades away
Just know that I'm keeping that promise we made
I'm the only one left so believe when I say
I wouldn't have left if it meant you would stay