uncontested scrums: a stevereich-esque chronicle of #IREvITA-gate

Once upon a time
A rugby union game
Ireland vs. Italy
Six Nations Championship

It's an incredible law that has the capacity
To ruin the game as a spectacle
Said The Irish Time

A very straightforward decision for
Impressive young Georgian referee
Said The Irish Examiner

Astonishing!
Said RugbyPass Northen Edition

Sono davvero tutti cretini!
Shouted an Italian fan

Are there two Garbisi identical twins
Or is just my subconscious asking me
For a hot and incestuous threesome?
Said my Wife

And here we go...

Nika Amashukeli
ნიკა ამაშუკელი
Nika Amashukeli
ნიკა ამაშუკელი
Nika Amashukeli
ნიკა ამაშუკელი
Nika Amashukeli
ნიკა ამაშუკელი
Nika Amashukeli
ნიკა ამაშუკელი
Nika Amashukeli
ნიკა ამაშუკელი
Nika Amashukeli
ნიკა ამაშუკელი
Nika Amashukeli
ნიკა ამაშუკელი

It has to be a red card!
It has to be a red card!
It has to be a red card!
It has to be a red card!
It has to be a red card!
It has to be a red card!
It has to be a red card!
It has to be a red card!
It has to be a red card!
It has to be a red card!
It has to be a red card!
It has to be a red card!
It has to be a red card!
It has to be a red card!
It has to be a red card!
It has to be a red card!

Lamaro said Italy
Have to play the whole game with thirteen players
Amashukeli said
Yeah. That's happening. Yeah. That's correct
Lamaro said if it was
Just because that red card
Amashukeli said getting a little bit angry
Yeah, That's correct
Lamaro said with that Italian hands movement
So... we cannot replace one back row with a... with the prop
Amashukeli shouted getting more angry -in a Caucasian way
No! No!
Lamaro asking for pitty and being a pain in the ass
And... Why not?
Amashukeli getting really angry
As a Gorgodze and Kolelishvili remix on their worst day
Have to bring someone from the frontrow.
OK! LET'S GO! NOW!

Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!
Ok! Let's go now!

Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!

Rugby union laws
Law number three
The team
Uncontested scrums
Scrums will become uncontested
If either team cannot field
A suitably trained
Front row or if the referee so orders
A match organiser may stipulate
The conditions under which a game may start
With uncontested scrums
Uncontested scrums as a result of a sending off
Temporary suspension or injury
Must be played with eight players per side
When a front-row player leaves the playing area
Whether through injury
Or temporary or permanent suspension
The referee enquires at that time
Whether the team can continue with contested scrums
If the referee is informed that
The team will not be able to contest the scrum
Then the referee orders uncontested scrums
If the player returns
Or another front-row player comes on
Then contested scrums may resume
In a squad of twenty three players
Or at the discretion of the match organiser
A player whose departure has caused
The referee to order uncontested scrums
Cannot be replaced
Only when no replacement
Front-row player is available is any other player
Permitted to play in the front row
If a front-row player is temporarily suspended
And the team cannot continue
If a front-row player is sent off
And the team cannot continue with contested scrums
With players already on the field
Then the team nominates
Another player to leave the playing area
To enable an available front-row player to come on
The nominated player may act as a replacement

Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!
Uncontested scrums!