dream Bout ME

I know you want me there, and, you know
I cannot be there, so, dream bout me

Sorry I haven't been able to pick up the phone recently
My hands are full and my mother's been needing me
(Dream bout me)
I'll still try to make an effort to talk to you in secrecy
The only thing keeping me goin is really just your belief in me
You being alone and hurting all day really eats at me
You say you take a lot of time to think of me
But I honestly don't know what you see in me
I get it you really like me but sometimes I'd rather you live your life despite me
Goddamn I genuinely wonder why you think of me so highly
I got so many flaws I'm nowhere near anything close to perfect
Sometimes I feel so much hatred for myself I feel like I'm worthless
Sometimes I see your text then walk away from my phone cause I'm nervous
Others times I wanna send a text but I'm afraid this gon be the day you curve it
It's funny cause just the other week you and me were livin life without care
Now I forget to brush my teeth, I never wash my sheets, and I miss you playin wit my hair
There's nothin to look forward to in school without us as a pair
I miss being late to class from talking to you knowing that when I show up to track you'd be there

I know you want me there, and, you know
I cannot be there, so, dream bout me

I feel like I'm falling apart ever since you moved
I been lying saying I'm happy to tell you the truth
(Dream bout me)
I feel like honesty is the best way to keep this thing going on
Maybe one day I'll kill myself and you just flow it off
Maybe you won't care, maybe there's no flare
Maybe you'll say you understood me but don't you ever dare,
Say that you made an effort to see me ever since you left
Cause you used to calm me down and now I'm always stressed
I try to put up a front and tell you I hope you do your best
But honestly I feel like you betrayed me and I want your heart ripped from your chest
I hope that girl never calls or text you back
Cause you left her in the dirt just like you did me and now you should fade into the black

I never understood why people wanna fight me
I never understood why people wanna indite me
I never understood why people wanna lose
I never understood why people would fight for shoes

I been stuck in the past for so long it's almost become home again
I been alone for so long I started choosing myself, no offense
I'm tryna go to an actual school, not online, but not to make a friend
I could say I don't miss you get a girlfriend just to play pretend
Get new homies just to show you I moved on to stop all the false hope
Still not complacent even if I wanted to I got no place to call home
I still feel humbled when somebody tells someone they remember me
My words become jumbled and I wonder how many times they've mentioned me
Moved around a lot as child and I seen so many smiles that's what affects me
If I keep on leaving then those same smiles turn to frowns and I can't take that mentally
Being put in a room with my brother made me realize depression is contagious
Never more in my life have I felt the urge to get faded
But if I die tonight then that'll just erase my chances to see you and make it
So if I say I love you, believe me, I won't ever fake it