Effigy

I'm tired of living in the shadows of buildings
And I know
That it makes the world seem so small and empty
I'm tired of thinking that I should just get moving
And let this
City be a monument to a time when I was selfish
An effigy to be reduced to rubble by the wind and the rain
A reminder of the permanence of all those
Bullshit reasons I should stay
I'm tired of sleeping through the changing of the seasons
And I know
That time only moves faster when you try to
Hold on to it
But lately I've been seeing some semblance of reason
So why, then
Is it so easy to be afraid and so hard to be honest
About the weekends that I've lost and all
The corners I've been keeping myself in
And tomorrow, if I wake up, then I swear to god
This pattern's gonna end
Is this coterie worth leaving, is my company worth keeping
If blood is
Thicker than water, then I'm neck deep and
Drowning in it
And I can't escape the feeling there's something that I'm missing
If three days
Is the consequence to martyrdom then I've
Feigned my comprehension
But I'll bridge the gap from who I am to the
Better man I'm trying to be
For every moment I feel justified, a dozen
Doubtful whispers get to me
And I'll understand why my first instinct is
Always to leave