I Would Rather

We're all slaves to the time
They call it a watch
'Cause it watches our lives slip by
Don't fact-check that online

Now you're lying there in bed
And you find yourself setting the same alarm to wake you up at 7:09
To catch that 7:36 (service to Stoke!)
Do you maybe wanna give yourself just slightly more time?
Oh, wow! Hm!
Gee, let me think

I would rather die than be awake for the nine extra minutes
That I know would make me on time
I would rather dive into a vat full of live bees than conceptualize being that organized
I would rather die (I'd rather try to make love to a fire)
Die (I'd rather take a bath with my hair dryer)

I don't fear sacrifice, don't make me a martyr
Don't worship me just because I would lay down my life
To avoid getting up from the sofa to reach the remote, and
Every time I'm sending out an email, I see that little tag at the end
Saying "Sent from my iPhone"
And every time I stop then I highlight and delete it
I'm sure there is a straightforward fix

But I would rather lick ice with both my balls in a vice
Than find the setting on my phone which would turn it off
Rather have my nephew's diaper as a drink than be slightly forward-thinking
Or nice to future me at all
I would rather die (the zebra crossing's just a bit too far)
Die (I'd rather cross at this blind corner part)
Die (it's worth the risk of getting hit by-)

So you made it up to heaven
You can laze it up
You'll never have to look ahead with prophetic vision
To see future stress you might get
From the present decision that you're making
Now let's get that booty through those pearly gates, man
All you have to do to pass to the realm of the deep forever
Is give a true opinion on the haircut I just gave ya

I would rather die than tell a stranger that I
Am not quite sure if I like the way they cut my hairs
I would rather deny myself the eternal life
Than have to suffer that minor present awkwardness

I would rather die!
(Woo, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh)
(Ooh, ooh)
I would rather die!
(Woo, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh)
(Ooh, ooh)
I would rather die!