Shootin' My Best Shot!

I heard your ex was an alcoholic, hurt your feelings and didn't do right by you
Now though I'm puzzled by how that could possibly be true, I must say I'm glad you left him
And it's a pleasure to meet you
I can imagine that's how that coming at you, and it don't help none of this true

So before too much time goes by, I'ma shoot my best shot and see if it goes through
Extend my arm, flick my wrist and release with perfect form
Then the predator goes in
I promise, the last place I want to see you is back on Hinge

Stop playing girl, you know we got shows to binge
Plenty of new seasons, episodes and reality we can live
Oh and reality TV to make us cringe
I'm ready to love, and after these last 90 days I'm all but ready to make you my fianc

And I don't even need a visa
But I do feel like life without you is almost worse than lockup
Tell me, can we find love after a breakup
Reconcile and make up, reunite cause it feels so good in real life

And not just cause it's something that's all made up
You ready to come break my hair yet
Ready to come watch Raised by Wolves Season two
I saved it just for you

Don't worry, if you watched it already it's cool
I won't be upset
But I bet you miss me being able to reach stuff up high so you don't have to get a stool
Or jump up on the counter all the time

Not to mention all the great adventures we had and mountains we've climbed
Remember the bikes, roller skates, electric scooters we ride
Remember our jump rope competitions and how you'd always win, even though we were on the
Same side

Remember running through the park as a warm up and staying right behind me so I could
Catch all the wind
But what about off-road shopping and singing in the studio
How about when we would load them clips up, the range, put on goggles and let them things

Go
Well, I know you miss taking naps in my sleeping bag and walking around with a baggy onesie
On over your savage Fenty like you wasn't bad
Mercy, it ain't just your beauty, it's your complexity and humility that I've always admired

You tired like I'm tired
Tired of cuddling your pillow at night
See I got two, but no matter how many tears they soak up, they can't hit me with the thunder
Like you

You ready to come home
Home to where your heart is at
Let me hold you till we fall asleep or till it gets too hot and you gotta roll back
Wait, it's been a minute, three months to be specific

Where exactly is your heart at
And how does one who proved he didn't know how to act go about getting his lady back
Should I pour out my soul, plead my case and allow the promises to stack
Cause I can go on for hours about how sorry I was

I can go on for days counting the ways in which I want you and miss you
I can tell you with great certainty that if given another chance, I'd
Hold on, let me spell you the cliches, cause if I've learned anything during our time apart
It's that it's not all about what I want or even what I can say

To start, I'd like to know what you've been thinking
What you've learned and more importantly, is your hibiscus okay
Did you miss me
Did you pull out your phone at night, look at pictures of us while playing sad love songs

And sigh
Well, I did
Did you ponder all the ways I neglected your feelings and mistreated you by not being kind
Cause I did

Did you look back over the two years we spent together and smile, then laugh when you remember
All the fun we had playing hide and go seek like a child
You already know I did
Did you weigh the pros and cons of being with me again

A poet and ex-con
Did you consider life with a professor or the benefits of moving on
Did you work out the math problem of our destiny, subtract my foolishness and possibly see a
Future with me

Or did that seem more arduous in fact, more like doing a bid than glee
Did you ever check my story on IG for pictures of another woman and me
I kid
But you see, I had to stop watching your stories cause them gym videos of you doing squats

Made my heart drop, beat skip
I almost had to delete IG
I admit, it's been a trip
You miss me cooking for you

Or would your macro say otherwise
Satisfied with frozen meal prep, delivery and thirsty DMs from other guys
I know I ain't the only cat with a crush
I wonder what your therapist is telling you

Seems like just yesterday it was the three of us
I'm glad you have someone clinically qualified to confide in that you can trust
Anyhow, I hope you're getting all the answers you need and that your anxiety ain't been
Acting up

Stealing your peace and have you fixating at full speed looking for something you can't
Find and getting stuck
I wonder, do your friends and family tell you to move on and forgive me
Well, considering my previous behavior, I'd say that's a fair decree

How are the rest of your plans and how's your treat
How go the body goals and how's your hair growth routine
I pray for you and them daily
Plus your new crib cause I care

Baby, these last three months have been both terrible and wonderful all at the same time
It's crazy
As I said, I missed you something serious
I went through all the stages of grief

I think at some point I was delirious
It was like a few of them were on repeat and didn't want me to sleep
So mysterious
The good part was being alone turned out to be just what I needed to strengthen my beliefs

Get back with God and to the bottom of what was eating at me
It really got me about that fall and now I couldn't be more happy, but I know it's been
A while since we talked, so please indulge me while I catch you up with the current status
Of my walk

See, I did just what I said I was going to do in my last apology
I went to individual therapy plus AA, back to church, had early morning worship and listened
To the word three times a day
Worked out at home, applied for that new full-time position and stepped up my training with crew

And you know what
Praise the Lord I even got an interview
Can you believe it
But for the meantime, I went back to FedEx for a few paid hours of fitness, at least

For a season
Them boxes are relentless
Started reading more and fasting from television and social media
Then started building toward my vision as well as expanding my profile in academia

Working on my parenting, capacity for kindness and patience is my new mission
I've also been journaling, writing poems, logging daily activities and meditating
And I got to say, I feel great
I'm free, not fixed

However, I am over my obsession with alcohol and it's not an all missed
And I'm not going back
Nope, nada, not even a sip
I'm on a whole nother track, a whole nother tip

It's about progress, not perfection
And my sponsor just gave me my three month chip
What I'm really working on now are my character defects and negative thoughts
I began the process of saying no to pride, being more humble and possessing an open mind

Because having to close one cost
Basically, I'm the same great guy minus the service fees
Similar but different like Matt instead of gloss
Now look here, I'm not trying to floss, but this new version of me has less glitches

Comes with a few updates and double the kisses
I mean, just wait till you see these upgrades
They're ridiculous
I'd also like you to know for what it's worth that I've evolved

Evolved on a few issues we had
Or better yet, that I had
Like, I don't think we have to live in different houses anymore like I did before
Don't get me wrong, I'm still gonna buy some property, but I'm no longer dead set on having

My own separate place
Obviously, whatever I get, you get
And God's given me grace
I actually think it'd be nice if we came together properly

What I'm saying is that even though it ain't 2006, I want you in my space
In other words, let me put it like this
I want to make space for you and your ideas so that you feel heard and safe in the house
At night and sharing them ideas

Plus, I no longer have any preference about the amount or timing of us having kids
I'm perfectly comfortable with you calling it and telling me what it is
Now, I know what you're hoping, but I can't do it
I'm still not okay with you chewing with your mouth open

I'm just not that evolved yet
That's the only thing I still forbid
But in all seriousness, even though that was true, I want to make sure not to limit you
I want you to be your whole self

No more unsolicited help or being overly critical
I ain't with that nitpicking no more or being overbearing with a stubbornness that for me
Is typical
Yo, I don't even cuss no more

Do you, boo
That's the new motto
And it's biblical
At the end of the day, I thank God for even ever having met you

You've taught me so much about myself, about board games, about benefits and all the financial
Literacy
You showed me the value of being kind and all the affection when you'd sit next to me
You're generous, supportive, and yes, oh, so very fine

Clearly
I'm even grateful that you ended the relationship when you did, because it came right on time
I needed that wake up call and you deserve better
You did

I still wanted you to be mine like young blue, but I deserve what I got
I did
So I tried my best to fall back and not to sweat you
Now I know I might be saying a lot, but I'd hazard to say that I am better

Again, not fixed, perfect, all that, just better
So baby, don't you go filling up my slot
We ain't no quitters
And even though this ain't an award show, ain't no seat fillers for the fill up my spot

I'm playing, but just know that I'm still deeply, if not even more in love with you
And I ain't planning to stop
I know it ain't up to me
Instead, it depends entirely on you

So I'm gonna ask these last five questions and I'm through
How do you feel
And what is it that you want
Moreover, what would you like me to understand and or confront

Is there anything I can do to make amends
Is there anything you'd like me to say or do in regards to you, your family or your
Friends
Okay, that's it

That's all I got
And where this poem ends, I left it all on the table, typed it all up above
And either way, I'm grateful
I just wanted to hit you with my best shot and offer you my love, artfully and from a

Few different angles
Forget the rest
I'm like, leave me in coach
I don't need a sub

Now, I know the poem was long, but I'm a poet and using potent
So what else was I gonna do
My Bible says that if any man be in Christ, he's a new preacher
Old things are passed away

Behold, all things have become new
And I claim that for myself as a promise or guiding rule
Even got a new license from DMV to reflect just how new I felt
Plus my Afro was looking pretty cool

See, I'm just trying to reshuffle the cards I was dealt, bring back some middle school
Charm and pull some clarity off the shelf
Now, since I'm not sure where your head's been at lately, would you mind doing me a
Favor by circling yes, if you're down to start fresh and go on a date with me

Yes or Yes?