Ideation

This apathetic anxiety is conflicting within me
My suicidal ideation is misplaced reciprocation
With its
Psychomotor agitation conflating insomnia-fueled deliberations
Thoughts and veins in a race; pumping red cells and neurons as I
Pace, pace
Pace, pace
I don't care, but know I should
I would care, but know I can't

Nihilists have the righter idea
And the solipsistic to an extent:
Life has no inherent value
Conscripted shepherds are buried at sea

I'm drifting from shoreline

Fear and boredom cannot cohabitate
I'm so numb...
Existential spacial awareness fleeting
I'm so numb...
Gnawing nails, spitting blood
Luring sharks in the flood
I'm so numb...

Tying cement shoes as I slip into seabed
Inhaling a wife worth of salt, Lot's
Lungs filling like the Exodus plague
Entrenched by an excessive weight
That snaps my necklace
Experiment intended to fail
Though if I had kicked myself beyond the pale...
Who is gonna argue with the results?

Since when was my end something you could contend?
Who are you to tell me how I feel?!

I'm aware of my mistakes
Don't remind me!
I'm aware of my mistakes
They taught me knotting
I'm aware of my mistakes
They haunt me, pushing
Don't remind me

A forsaken toxic desert, sandstorming a dry drowning

The sharks are...
(they're just fish)
The sharks are...
Surrounding
The sharks are...
(they're just fish)
The sharks are...
Devouring
The sharks are...
(they're just fish)
The sharks are...
Expounding
The sharks are...
(they're just fish)
The sharks are...
(they're just fish)
The sharks are—

Somewhere beyond this sea
My angel stands on golden sands
Beyond stars, beyond the moon
My heart will lead me there soon
Happy, I'll be
And never again...
Never again
Never again...
Never again...
Never again...
Never again...
Will I go sailing
Never again
Never again