I Think I'll Stay In

After a day of empty tasks
I go to sleep, tear off my mask
I am a stranger, even to myself

Always this aching in my guts
Regular things leave me torn up
Nobody asks me how my day has been

But sometimes I start leaking sap
Self-hating jokes that don't get laughs

It won't be very long til I act like it never happened
It won't be very long til I forget it ever mattered
Yeah, I'm cool, it's fine.
Do you wanna hang out? watch cartoons and cry?

Day after day my mind goes dim
I grow out and rip off my second skin
My journal's empty, no will left to write

I am unfit to love myself
The check engine light keeps burning out
Subconscious thoughts are rising to the top

But sometimes I start leaking sap
Self-hating jokes that don't get laughs

It won't be very long til I act like it never happened
It won't be very long til I forget it ever mattered
Yeah, I'm cool, it's fine.
Do you wanna hang out? I'll watch you drink wine

I pulled the sword from the rock
But I got shy and put it back
The people stared, all were appalled
"We thought that you were someone else"

I feel empty
From a grade that passed the class and nothing more
When the treadmill of self-care becomes a chore
Tired of counting hours of missing sleep
I'm always tired

And I grow
And I change
And I hate
What this world has done to me

Not calm
Not safe
No joy
Only tragicomedy

A wizard came, knocked on my door
"We need your help", they implored
Oh, they warned, if I accept
I must be sure cuz I can't go back

I'll be honest
I'm afraid of monumental change
Less than I fear things might stay the same
What's the risk if I risk everything?

Okay, I'll do it