I'm Not Okay

Who can I call when I'm low
Whenever I'm feeling broken
Who can I call when I'm lost
Whenever i'm feeling hopeless
Feels like you left when I needed you most
And
To tell you the truth I can't do this alone
I wanted this year to be more about growth
But I guess you don't get what you plan for
Or maybe you do it's just not what you planned for
Maybe I should have planned for
Cause I'm not okay with this
Blocking these punches
Somehow I'm still taking hits
See you took a part of me
Don't think I'm forgetting it
Please don't make this hard for me
Or yell cause I vented this
Don't tell me it's fake
There's no way I invented this
Emotions have surfaced and there's no preventing them
If you never cared then why'd you pretend you did
I'm sick of pretending in this game of love that everyone benefits
That's just not the case
Don't say it's okay
Cause everyone i've ever loved's (has) went away
And too many relate to the feeling of fear
See not being able to trust what you hear
Makes you distance yourself
Now when people come near you
You put on a face
Like everything's great
You give em a smile
And try to pretend like you ain't been running for miles
But here let me guess
You lost everything, but you gave it your best

I know I seem far away
I don't know what I can say
But I know I'm not okay
Cause I know I'll never change
I know

I'm starting to lose faith
In people I believe in
I really cant believe it
Why do I have faith that theres people to believe in?
Really scared to love
Because everybody leaving me to deal with all these issues that I got
Maybe I'm to blame
I can't help but overthink
All I do is sabatoge
Everything I ever had is everything I ever lost
I can't help but stop and wonder if you listen to these songs
And if you ever hear em then how come you never call?
I hope you doing well
I hope you doing fine
Think I'm starting to get better
At writing all these rhymes
I made a choice to let you down and I'm sorry that it hurts
Finally put myself first for the first time
If they ask how i'm doing say i'm alright
Just don't tell em the truth
That I'm broken inside
And I'm missing you

I think I finally realized maybe it wasn't you
You just a product of your past
See we don't get to choose
But who you fall in love with gotta be up to you
Make sure that who they are makes you comfortable
Make sure both of you are rooted at the core
Cause if you wanting two things then you gone die for sure
And then your life of making memories is turning short
And if you gotta turn
Then make sure that it's for certain what you're turning for
Cause you can't turn around
And ain't no coming back
Cause once you break a heart
Ain't no replacing that
Now you can post pone the grief or you can face the facts
They say to take a look around
There's plenty of fish in the ocean
But that don't work for me cause you the only one I ever noticed
And I wish that I could change
But I can't it's got me thinking things will never be the same
Everyday it's gonna rain
I wont ever see your face
Will I ever be okay?
I don't know