Drone

Stay awake
I close my eyes
Feel everything at once
Fade to grey
You put your faith on needles end
And the hemlock's in your blood

I can start to make out imprints on the floor
From months of laying still
I feel like I've lost all that I fought for
Getting out of bed each day still kills me
In the morning all I think about is you
I left an army of angels in my carpet
Guardians in my living room

I don't know why I'm not letting this go
I spent these 6 months on my own
And I've got nothing to show for it
And I don't know why I've been feeling so low
And every day just seems to drone on
Disappointments I can't outgrow

And it feels like I haven't slept in weeks
Because each time I close my eyes
I drown silent in apathy
Choke on every opportunity
To be the man that you need me to be
Second chances, ghosts of memories
Spending hours chasing shadows between the sheets
I still see you in the retina static too
You hung yourself with the slack I gave you

You found a temporary fix for all your problems
But it turned into a permanent solution
Now I'm dealing with the aftershock that comes from time to time
I'm still wrestling these anxious thoughts that haunt me in the night
I haven't changed at all inside

I don't know why I'm not letting this go
I spent these six months on my own
And I've got nothing to show for it
I don't know why I've been feeling so low
And every day just seems to drone on
Disappointments I can't outgrow

I slowly watched your best years wash away
Like a Monterey sunrise you shouldn't be surprised it never came
You said that this was it and that you'd change