Typically English

My mother said
I never should
Play with the young men in the wood
If I did
She would say
"Naughty little girl to disobey"
Please

I'm a typically English rosebud
Born of typically English stock
With a typically Anglo-Saxon family tree
(You can tell, can't you?)
I received my education
In a typically English way
At a typically English girls' academy
(I got my education on the corner)

I play typically English tennis
At a typically English club
With a typically English feeling for fair play
I eat typically English crumpets
With my typically English tea
At the end of every typically English day
(That's funny, we eat black-eyed peas and pig's feet)
Oh, really?

Father is a typically English colonel
Home is a typically English county town
(On Sunday we have fried chicken)
Mommy and I play typically English patience
While the typically English rain is pouring down

We've a typically English bulldog
Who likes typically English walks
Past the typically English trees upon the heath
And if anyone asks me how I like
This typically English life
I am fed up to my typically English teeth!

My mother said
I never should
Chase little foxes in the wood
If I did
She would say
"They'll only end up in the family way"
(Oh, dear)

When I go to typically English dances
Mommy gives me typically sound advice
How to cope with typically course advances
Though I've got to confess
I find them rather nice
Please, don't

In the typically English summer
We take typically English trips
To a typically seaside place with Auntie Maude
And if anyone asks me how
I like this typically English life
I have never been so bloody bored!

And if anyone asks me how
I like this typically English life
I have never been

Here is a special announcement
There was an accident on a city subway
Late last night
When a young English girl was involved
In a head-on collision
With a coffee-colored coffee vendor
From the big city
And received injuries
From which her typically English family
May never recover

Will anyone who saw the accident
Or can give any information
Please keep it to themselves

When a typically English rosebud
Is in typically English bloom
And her typically English petals open wide
Then her typically English perfume
Reaches many unlikely bees
And what follows is really most undignified

My mother said
I never should
Chase little foxes in the wood
If I did
She would say
They'll only end up in a most undignified
Somewhat magnified
Slightly stupefied
Maybe multiplied, quite unqualified
None too sanctified
Highly satisfied way