Novacane

Remember being all alone I had to make a way
Remember waking up and thinking I can't face today
Liquor only made me numb but couldn't take away
The pain so using drugs had turned into my novacane

Sittin on the couch was watchin cartoons
Almost time for school don't wanna argue
Got out the shower my mommas phone rang
She heard the news fell to her knees sayin the same thing
Why why why
How am I posed to do this alone
Why why why
We always talked about how we would grow old
Why why why
It always felt like maybe you would come home
I watched her cry cry cry
And held my momma right in my arms
I told her

Mom your not alone we gotta make a way
Everyday we gon get thru it gotta face today
And anything you try won't ever take the pain away
Sometimes I feel like she still searching for that novacane

Mom There's the school pull over
I'll get him just wait here
Hi I'm looking for my little brother

Now my brother just 11 bout to get the message
Ran inside told em I'm Kevin our dad went to heaven
They called him down before he saw me he was cryin separate
Pulled him in my arms and said I love you every second
Why why why
I knew all of the thoughts in his head
Why why why
Can't believe our daddy really was dead
Why why why
Can't even remember what the last I thing I said
And we both cry cry cry
Leave school and meet mom back in the chev
Mom was cryin speedin drivin
In the front seat I was ridin
On the phone I couldn't get a hold of people I was tryin
Slowly my emotions crashin put myself in auto pilot
Questioned god he took a soul always had the heart of lion

Remember that I got my brothers just a call away
Everyday we get a chance to go be somethin great
Even without these lemons I'll still make lemonade
Sometimes I feel like everybody slowly fade away

Older brothers on the bus it's like a hour out
When dad was sick they was at school but I was at the house
That's one thing I never got to tell em much about
Bout the time he almost took my life from actin out
Yelled at him no one around to drive me to the store
Tried yellin back couldn't understand him
But could tell he's soar
Pulled my arm got in the car could barely close the door
Went in reverse from the garage to street foot on the floor
Meantime he screaming hittin me while drivin off the road
Life felt like a show and this my final episode
Cried in his lap told him I'm sorry please just take control
He looked at me tears in his eyes
Could barely get ahold

Remember that I'm not alone when I'm gon pave the way
Remember waking up and being grateful for the day
Cuz there's some things this life is probably gonna take away
And ain't gon lie I've seen the full effect of novacane