April Showers

You'd think I'm a graveyard
'Cause I'll ghost you if you care
Now I'm stuck picking out
Cobwebs from my hair

'Cause I fell for someone
Who never even climbed
"You want what you can't have."
She tells me all the time

I feel filthy but not filthy enough
I want you to call me
Instead you call my bluff
And it's the overwatering
That keeps us both
From pardoning

It's my pride interlaced with my fear
I think it's funny my first word was deer
Dearly beloved I want to hold you near
Instead you're an arms length away
I can keep my sorrows at bay

I'm starving all my friends
I'm watching it happen
And I'm not stopping
This slow chain reaction
It's not in my instinct
To reach out or check in
Now all that we've grown
Will soon wilt I reckon

I feel guilty
But not guilty enough
I'm so used to
Pretending to be tough
But it's the everyday gardening
That keeps two hearts from hardening

I know that now
I hope it's not too late
When I finally show up
With seeds and a rake
I'd like to sow some fields while it's
Still April showers
So when we split for college we'll have a
Handful of flowers
Cause that's better
Than a sea full of barren dirt

I'm trying to say that I'm trying to change
For all that's worth
I'm trying to say that I'm trying to change
For all that's worth
I'm trying to say that I'm trying to change
For all that's worth
I'm trying to say that I'm trying to change
For all that's worth
I'm trying to say that I'm trying to change
For all that's worth