Sloth

Fell asleep watching Friends again
Saw Ross Geller's face in my dreams again
Woke up weighted with dread again
Don't have the strength to face the day again

I carried Russell Brand's book in my backpack for days
Thumbed it fast
Till my fingers turned black and the edges got frayed
You remember the one, his political one
A Bible to guide movement now acting as my doorstop
But at the time
My friends and I bought it and
I know he's a twat, but
Something in his words spoke to me
Seemed to coax some secret unspoken from me
Seemed to reach to a part I did not know
And he made me feel
That bit less alone, you see
Because I try to watch the news
But I don't understand the words they say
I don't know who they speak for
But they don't speak for me
I'd choose to lose myself in rom-coms
Over House of Commons jargon but
I'm told that's not useful

Russell was preaching not to vote
And I thought that seemed excessive
So when it came to the election
I marked the X in the box kept for the animal welfare collective
It made sense
That's what I think's important
But the man next to me
He stared at me dead
He openly taunted
Till he turned Labour red in the face
Blamed me for the downfall of our modern politics
It's young folk like you
He said
Caught up in your pin-up's fake disillusion
Go do something then
Don't preach revolution then not follow through
When we fought for this, we gave you this
So aim higher than your commercial messiah
Go on then and tell me
What do you want?
What do you want?

My mind is blank but my hands ball in fists
They say us millennials are taking the piss
I watch this structure where I don't seem to fit
Don't know what I want but I don't want this

I feel the need to apologise all the time
But I don't quite know what for
Seems the fact I was born at the time I was born
Is enough to draw scorn like breath
So shame me, so blame me
I've heard it all before
Like how today's youth do not have the vigour to fight a war
I don't know if that's a bad thing
Perhaps we've just seen sense
But instead we have ourselves labelled complacent
No
I want to act, to get up, to find movement
I feel it itch in my palms like the fervour of Enyo
But it's empty avidity
Because I feel like I'm wading daily through misery
Instagram's crippling
Rent is skyrocketing
Graduates spend their days working in cafes
Because there are no jobs
The climate is dying
Bombs terrifying
The people are starving
And all the while our government
Is just laughing
See everything's fucked
And I am so little and it is so late
And I'm happy just here with my bed and my crisps
We cannot make a difference
And apathy's bliss

The days stretch long and it's pointless to try
I feel life seems brighter when I close my eyes
Tell me I'm lazy, tell me what to do
I don't know where to go, but I won't follow you

Then sometimes on those 3am sleepless nights
I feel it stir
That thing
That some-thing
That sung-thing
That primal thing that feels ancient
That feels too big for my modern language to speak
But it's there like it's always been there
It is deep
It's there in this city's sense of community
But more, it is more
It's transcendence of all that we think to be normal
It is a force
Propelling disciples to follow their leader
The Greeks being swelled into riot
It's there
I know it's there
It must be there
I just don't know where to find it

Fell asleep watching Friends again
Saw Ross Geller's face in my dreams again
Woke up weighted with dread again
Don't have the strength to face the day