The Contest

Fade in
Donut shop
We see three local cops
One of them is going off
About why he the dopest cop

He say
My relationship with these n-words
Is way better than yours
They look at me like a mentor

Ha
They laughed it off
'Cause already he done shot
Like 5 people this year
And that's just at traffic stops
But even after all this time
Sheriff Bobby Yule, he still feel like he got something to prove

Even though he's the boss
Even though he caused
The riots in the streets
That led to the world's biggest police force
So Bobby, Jerry, and Elaine
Each put down a week's pay
To see who could go the longest without shooting somebody

Next day Wednesday
Business as usual
Jerry was out on his beat
Weather was beautiful
He was thinking about the bet
His friends must be delusional
And then he got a call
Yeah I got a couple juveniles

Who look to me like they might be into some distribution
Why don't you head over there see if you can do something?
When he pulled up on them dudes
Thought he might try something new like
What I got to lose
If I just go and introduce?

So he ignored their mean glances
Hey guys, I'm Jerry, so
You ever notice when police roll up
We're always in sunglasses?
What's the deal with that shit?
Like a Cop-arazzi classic
I think that we think it makes us more charismatic

Wouldn't ya know, it made 'em laugh
So he figured he'd go with that
A charm offensive
And in fact it got them boys to relax
They explained how they were local college kids
And they needed to be outside for their science experiment

And that was that
They had a lil' chit-chat
He called up dispatch
Told 'em could they sit back
Wow
Now smash cut to across town
Bobby's on familiar ground
Yup, it's a traffic stop
And sho'nuff a pat down

Mandem was ji shooken
First thing in his mind, book it
'Cause he had weed in his hand
So of course he ran
But even though he was on the run
Even though he was holding something
Not even once did he think about reaching for his gun

'Cause common sense told Bobby
He wasn't a threat to nobody
Ironically it was Elaine
Who couldn't make it one day
'Cause when Roxanne ran that red light in a Hyundai
Elaine went back to her first love: gunplay

A week a later there's two standing
Pot got a couple grand in it
Word spread through the precinct
And then in three weeks
The whole NYPD was spreading peace in the streets
It takes dollars to find common sense and sensibility

Eventually the whole the country got in on the event
For more money than Powerball combined with Mega Millions
And it was fun so they started it back up time and time again
And of course police shootings went down ninety-nine percent