Ruth Has A Masturbation Problem

Ruth has a masturbation problem
Ruth has a masturbation problem
We should forget what we taught them
Ruth has a masturbation problem

They said Ruthie was crazy, stayed in bed all day
And if someone knocked on her door she'd say
"Please let me stay inside, I feel lazy
I think I have rabies
I feel a little hazy
Come back later maybe!"

Dad thought she was just antisocial
But she was just in motion
Until the commotion made her parents walk in on her with a boner
Overcome with moans and pornos and lotion
Oh my god! She needs some treatment
Get a pastor to stop her from her masturbation
Not a therapist? What's a therapist going to do?
That's how they stopped debating, and they lost it, baby

If the neighbors find out, that's all we need
To bring untold shame to the family
Get her married quickly, to a man who strictly
Permanently cover her canopy

Ruth has a masturbation problem
Youth has a masturbation problem
It's straight up an epidemic
They all have a masturbation problem

They all act like we're robbing malls
Acting like they're never fapping, 'cause
I've seen you, Uncle, you're lobbing balls
On a beat-up bloated blow-up doll

Yeah you fap and you fap
And you don't give a crap
And it's sad that the fascination that you have
With this lack of rehab for an addiction's tack-y!
It's out of whack but it's still making you crack

That's why they want your hands folded together to pray
It's so your hands stick together and you can't even stray
Away to your crotch to rock your body and to sin
In your temple on a whim, not if they have their say

Now with porn afflictions, a masturbation addictions isn't fiction
And there's friction between bashing idiots being dicks
And actual victims to the systemic depiction
That gets the solutions all mixed up
And make us be ashamed of our hot impulse
Just because the addiction is a problem, Mister
Doesn't mean you shame us for cocking pistols

Ruth has a masturbation problem
Youth has a masturbation problem
It's just a fascinating concept
Ruth has a masturbation problem

They all act like we're robbing malls
Acting like they're never fapping, 'cause
I've seen you Uncle you're lobbing balls
On a beat-up bloated blow-up doll

So what's the solution? It's not to stigmatize
It's to educate and to liberalize
To eradicate hate and to rationalize
Logic as the litmus, not traditional cries
That one size doesn't fit everyone
Some rub it a lot, it's okay, and it's fun
Aces, NBs, chicks, dudes too
And some don't at all, and that's cool too

And every time you fap, you always feel such shame
Woman, man, or child learns to maintain
A tight lip, as if you're a necromancer
But fapping prevents prostate cancer

Since the point is to stop the stigma
All of us better together must figure out
But if they still won't chill we'll trip them all
And if they're don't like this song, they can ligma ballz

Ruth has a masturbation problem
Ruth has a masturbation problem
It's just a fascinating problem
We all have a masturbation problem
They all act like we're robbing malls
Acting like they're never fapping, 'cause
I've seen you Uncle you're lobbing balls
On a beat-up bloated blow-up doll

And I know you're masticating while you're masturbating
'Cause you're thinking of the master's lady
'Cause she's fast and screaming, fascinating
Freud said you're masturbating coz you can't replace the need to
Grab your Pap and make him fap you right till you're ejaculating
Won't you simply stop this feigning, stop your ways of crazy playing
Claiming hazing as a baby in that nursery you're blaming
But we're all debating this debasement that's a statement of them
Seeing this as mere debauchery when it's just application

So here's to the crowd that was never allowed
To be proud of the loud shouts of stout jousts in their house
You want to police our bodies?
Well we're just going to rub it all on your face
No matter what you say we'll do it anyway
You can't stop a million hands from fapping
Or a nearly-gay man from laughing

Ruth has no masturbation problem
Ruth has no masturbation problem
We should forget what we taught them
There is no masturbation problem