Me Uncle's Wake

Me Uncle was a drinking man and maybe that's to blame
He was only forty-seven when the Banshee called his name
A giant man with two big hands, he'd stood at six-foot-four
So when the table wasn't big enough we laid him on the floor

No-one knows what killed him, they found him in the shed
It must have been a heart attack is all the doctor said
When he was done the priest had come and said his couple of prayers
And we dug the fancy china out from underneath the stairs

Shots and bottles and pints and cans, enough to fill a lake
Preparation for the visitors we knew we'd have to make
We thought that maybe there'd be ten or twelve, but that was our mistake
'cos half the feckin' county landed above at Me Uncle's Wake

The people were arriving from all across the land
A hundred solemn greetings, a thousand shaken hands
In single file they spent a while above at me Uncle's side
And asked each other how could such a mighty man have died?

There was a glass in every hand and a drink in every glass
Some brought from the local, some made in the bath
With no sign of stoppin' every drop went straight to every head
And any man that asked for half a double he got instead

Shots and bottles and pints and cans, enough to fill a lake
I had to get some soakage and I found a slice of cake
Well the seven layers of chocolate, no difference did they make
'cos I nearly saw the lot again above at Me Uncle's Wake

I saw old Paddy Losty raise another to his lips
He'd had his packet o' peanuts, he was looking for some crips
The young Murphy twins with hairless chins were trying to keep the pace
But they were only halfway down the second when Paddy was through the case

Me neighbours were out dancing, me mam sang Fiddler's Green
The local politician was making sure that he'd been seen
Me cousin Mick was getting thick with a man from out of town
But the sing-along got up and music always calmed him down, it went...

Shots and bottles and pints and cans, enough to fill a lake
I felt me liver begging leave it down for Jesus' sake!
But I couldn't be seen to stop, me reputation was at stake
That's why I nearly died meself above at Me Uncle's Wake

The hour was running late, the clock showed after four
Half the crowd by now had joined me Uncle on the floor
The rest of us were dangerously close to giving in
But to waste the last few dropeens, well now that would be a sin

So we took ourselves to task, we tested our resolve
'twas then then I felt me consciousness was starting to dissolve
I grabbed me cap, and out the gap I tried to make me way
But after two laps round the sitting room I thought it best to stay

Shots and bottles and pints and cans, enough to fill a lake
Me stomach wasn't happy, in me head there was an ache
The legs were gone from under me, so I lay there like a snake
And every bit as poisonous above at Me Uncle's Wake

The room it was a-spinnin', the earth began to quake
I couldn't stop the tremblin', I couldn't stop the shake
I thought: I won't be fit for work tomorrow, me death I'll have to fake
I wonder could I have a few above at my own Wake?

Oh shots and bottles and pints and cans, enough to fill a lake
The morning was approaching, the dawn began to break
Well I never thought I'd see the day, but no more could I take
The night I nearly lost me life above at Me Uncle's Wake