STILL NUMB

Six shots of whiskey, now I'm feeling numb
I keep on running, not sure what it's from
No matter what I do, it's never enough
I wonder what happens if I give this up

Fi-five years later and I'm still numb
Do me favor, go ahead and grab a drill gun
Jam it straight into my skull, make me feel some'
Lobotomize it, make it something, I won't heal from
Don't give a doctor, I can go and get a pill from

That shit is not what I needed
I need a day where I don't feel like every part of me's bleeding
Don't wanna mask with medication, cover-ups never treat it
When I'm sedated it, come out as nightmares when I'm sleeping

Still fighting with the voice inside of my head
Still think I helped my enemies that were disguised friends
Still putting eighty percent in to 'em on my end
Still getting twenty percent, and saying, "It's fine," and

Still fucked up with the trauma from all my exes
Now, it's bleeding over, and it's been affecting my next
Still, feel the hands of all that gripping on my neck
I been waking up every night, covered in my sweat

Still got three therapists, saying I don't need help
'Cause I don't self-destruct, and I won't kill myself
But I dissociate until I'm just a shell
Haven't felt in place, since it was 2012

That's around the time I realized I don't fit in
I got a hole inside my chest, my favorite part of me's missing
I got a bottle of the best, that fills it up when I kiss it
Another round that I put down until it's empty and finished, let's go

This liquor I'm chasing, got me feeling numb
This pressure is building and I might succumb
I go for the next step, but somehow, I'm stuck
I wonder what happens if I give this up

Six shots of whiskey, now I'm feeling numb
I keep on running, not sure what it's from
No matter what I do, it's never enough
I wonder what happens if I give this up

Just played a sold out show, then, checked my phone
No congrats, not a text, still alone
I had some friends, 'til I went and changed their lives
Now, they pay no mind, so my self-control

Is out the doe (door), tossed to the side like I was
No true love, just lies and mindfucks
All of that baggage starts to pile up
Never had a person I can go and dial up

To rack the miles up inside my shoes
Dog, my family tree was chopped up in two
Then, it split four ways, I learned in my youth
That life, a solo mission I was never grouped

I didn't bring no friends home, I just bought a bruise
From all the bullshit that everybody put me through
I never lost myself, just a couple screws
That would've probably ended with me on the news

I let contaminated people in my heart
Being burned alive was better than the dark
All those knives inside my back done left a mark
That's a spot for evil people to come park

Compartmentalizing abuse and pain
Put the work in, but I'll never be the same
I go to therapy and take a pill a day
For me to feel like shit and never be okay, Oakes

This liquor I'm chasing got me feeling numb
This pressure is building and I might succumb
I go for the next step, but somehow, I'm stuck
I wonder what happens if I give this up

Six shots of whiskey, now I'm feeling numb
I keep on running, not sure what it's from
No matter what I do, it's never enough
I wonder what happens if I give this up