929

I've been trying to change
Trying to reprogram my brain
My mindset and the way I think
I've been talking to myself
I've been talking to the things I see past my mind when I close my eyes
And I've been trying to get closer to god
This only fills me with conflicting feelings
And I don't know how to handle it
I cant describe what I'm feeling but I want change
I know deep down I feel like I just wanna find love
But I ask god to give me what I truly desire
I cant even describe what I truly desire
But I know it's way beyond this
I just hope it comes sooner then later
And I hope when it comes I'll be ready
And I hope when it comes I'll still be here

I can get any bitch that I want
But the only girl I truly want is you
Like bitch don't kill my vibe
I know you still want me
You know I still want you too

We could be at peace but fuck
Maybe you never wanted me
And you got me fucked up too
You was just using me
Gave away all my love

You never wanna see me now
Now I've put up this wall
I remember when you put an end to it
You wanted to see your love
Now I think I'm ready to move on

I've moved onto better things
Onto bigger goals
Still think bout you when I sing

I never wanna fight with you
You always wanna fight me
I'm having a war in my mind
Don't need another piece
I know your mad at me
I know I just want peace
We both know we can't be together so let's just end things

But fuck
I love it
This lust
It's nothing
It's in my head
Can never rest
Sleep in till 2 pm
Wake up thinking about my past
Everything that I could change
I would give up all my change
Just to erase all my brain
All the damage I feel
I'm getting number as the days go by
I cant feel
Fucking up my whole life
Fantasizing things like knives
It's unhealthy
I need help
Always strayed away from hell
Maybe some things change o well
Cant fuck with my past self
But fuck it

Know I gotta give credit where it's due
But like fuck that shit
Someone should come kill me
Feels like I'm wasting my adolescents
On this music dream

But really it's a real thing
Got these ride or die fans
That I know be on my side
So when I look around all sad
And I'm bouta hurt myself I remember
That I got you and that you got me too

It's fucked up that where fucked up
But I keep my dm's open so
Just come around 10 pm on a Tuesday night
You say you bouta kill yourself
Wish you had the same mindset that I had
Back when I was with her
But now I got a new mindset she gave me

All these scars
But I kept them
Put them in my pocket safekeeping
You just gotta fight through
And I know everything I told you
You been told before

But I know that you still got love in your heart
We gotta tear down those walls that you built
Made them out of concrete and steel
Kind of ironic cuz you said everything you love and had was stolen
Your love set up pins, knocked them down
Like she was bowling

But we got this constant fear rolling round
In our brains we in common
We both hurting and I can see it
You can see it too

I pray to god that you get better
And I pray you do the same as me
I got so much built up up here
And I release tension from down here
But shit I gotta resist
Gotta better myself
Praying every night
Open a new chapter of the bible
Wanna free my soul
Wanna break the mold
Stop acting so bold aye

She say who you talking to
I said to myself
Are you confused yet
Shit I was born confused
Nah holup pause didn't mean it like that
I'm straight now you sad love
Know I'm bad for you love

I cant live
Like this
I don't
Wanna
Go in circles again
Shit
Come save me now
For I won't be saved again
This my only chance to escape this conversation pain
This conversation
This wasn't even about a girl