Maple Whisky

I wake up
Dazed and confused
Wearing last night's clothes
And I'm like
What did I do last night
Look in the mirror
And what do I see
A vision of disappointment
Staring back at me
And I'm like
Shit
Look out the window
See the pretty girls go by
Think if I jump out
I probably won't die because
That fall ain't that high

Existentially depressed
And uncontrollably frisky
I think I'm sweet and smooth
Just like that maple whisky

Clean myself
With an old washcloth
A little swig of Listerine
And I'm like
Oh, it's time for some fun
Go to the bar
Half empty bottle in my bag
The rest is inside me
And I'm like
Oh hold on
Actually I need to piss real bad
Eventually, I make my way
To the dance floor
Busting shapes from my youth
The whole crowd is
Staring at me
And I'm like
Oh I'm the man
Meet these pretty young things
Nearly half my age
But as drunk as I am
Our maturity is at the
Same stage and I'm like
Ladies, wanna go back to mine
For some wine and cheese

Existentially depressed
And uncontrollably frisky
I think I'm sweet and smooth
Just like that maple whisky

Surprisingly she said yes and
We make out in the cab
Get back to mine
Where I light some candles
Not because it's romantic or
Anything but I'm behind on my
Electric bill
Oh yeah
She finds a clean spot
On my pull-out bed and
Begins to take off her clothes
Oh yeah
Now I've forgotten her
Name and age
And this is potentially risky
But I say screw it
And pour a shot of that
Sweet maple whisky
I stick on some
Old school hip hop
And then we
And then we
And then we
And then we

Incoherent mumbling

Oh, I'm close
I'm really close
Oh I'm close
I'm
I'm
I'm
I'm
Oh sweet and smooth