Terrain Vague

Today I awake from a dream and in that dream a song was playing
It had only one lyric repeating
over and over not like a broken record,
More of a mantra "you will always feel this way"
Later while having lunch, I had a vision.
The god Mars walked in. his boots hammered hard into the floor
He approached me
Held out his sword
Offered it to me.
I turned away and said to the good Mars "I cannot touch
your sword because I may end up killing everybody here"
Then it echoed in my head "you will always feel this way"
Insistent Mars forced the blade into my hand.
It was massive
Wieldy
Empowered I shook.
Something had come over me
I
WANT
NO
PART
OF THIS
I stayed home the next day, cooked the last box of macaroni
Tried to watch television.
The radiator seemed to be screaming at me,
everything echoed stagnant "you will always feel this way"
Something had to change.
And then I remembered another dream filled
with shadow and an overwhelming rage of panic
Seems all my teeth had fallen out
I had lost my eyesight
My joints cracked in brittle contempt
It was as if I had grown old but no time had passed
I stared down at my hands
They were still young
They felt strong but still, so much fear.
Then he walked up to me, boots banging the floor, Mars.
He asked me a question and what that question
was and what I said it's sort of between him and me
Tsukiatari