All I Can Do

Feel like I got so much to say to you
But what good is thinking it if I ain't gon' say it too
I've been holding in emotions everyday with you
I barely make it through
It's like only half of me come to visit you
To you the rest of me's is invisible
Stressing bout the things I didn't say or didn't do
It's so hard to be myself I'm just pretending to
I remember the day that I opened up to you
And you opened up to me
About your alcoholism and your addiction
In your house I was sitting on the couch and it started clicking
Old memories start to sound the same
As a story Royce told on a song called "Cocaine"

I was riding shotgun and you were driving
Then we stopped to get gas and you went in to get snacks
Or probably to piss
I took a sip from your drink not knowing what it is
McDonald's cup, it wasn't Sprite or Coke
It was Vodka and I'm only 8 years old
So now it's burning up my nose and down my throat
I spit it out the window I can't stand the fire
I only know that smell as hand sanitizer
That's when they Aidan said it's alcohol
I don't know about that at all
Asked you when you got back to the car
You said it ain't yours it's your co-workers
Looking back on it I bet that you was so nervous
You was lying to us

But I ain't put that together till I was much older
That was your alcohol in the driver's cup holder
But time flew and I grew smarter and less sober
I'm like you but I'm just the part that was left over
Let me be clear I'm not just being judgmental
Cause all I'm really trying to do is to say that I truly get you
And while it's true that I don't know all that you've been through
I do know what it's like to drink your problems out of sight
Cause when you're hiding from your life it's like the alcohol protects you
Please don't think for a second that I resent you
Even though I don't call as much as I'm meant to
You still send the payments when tuition and the rent due
Uh
What does that make our relationship?
How I never ask for money but feel guilty for taking it
But it's less about the money that you're sending through
It's more the fact that I still feel in debt to you as long as I depend on you
I guess I'm begging your pardon cause it's been hard
And I'm not upholding my end of the bargain
I'm falling apart and I put my heart in this art
But when I just try to keep marching I wind up back at the start
Yeah
I tell myself that it's not my responsibility
I need your help but instead it feels like you're guilting me
I'm hurting too so it's hard to have any sympathy
You think I need to hear from you that my sister misses me
Intentionally you message me sentimentally
Mentioning that she tends to be restlessly waiting
And so you sent for me
The part that really gets to me is knowing you can't depend on me
So how can she?
Clear to see the problem but harder to find a remedy

But that's another story for another song
Cause I could go on and on
If I was strong it'd be easy to right my wrongs
But I'm not
So instead of calling you this right here is all I can do