I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE

I don't want to be here right now
I don't want to be here right now
I don't want to be here right now

Yeah
I said that the thoughts would get better with time
Said that I would try to change and I meant it but I
Got this cloud that follows me, even when it's good
I can feel it waiting for me, creeping overhead looking out
But I don't want to wake you
I know I should probably take one, but I take two
I've been on the verge of a break or a breakthrough
I don't hear a thing lately I can relate to
And it makes you sick when you hear it
There's something in my spirit
Broken, I don't want to talk about it, too embarrassed
It's been a couple years that I've been dealing with the same
Trauma mixed with music and addiction, with the the shame
And it's toxic
Not what you thought when you met me
But then I lost it
Sometimes the thoughts will get messy
But now they're constant
I know it's all getting heavy and if I drop this
I don't think that I'll come back
I never thought all of this thinking would develop a habit
You expect the worst eventually it's all gonna happen
We're supposed to be companions not collateral damage
But know it's hard to give a heart when you've been scarred
And can't imagine life different
That's when I tell you that you'd be better off
With someone better off
Not stuck in his bed with his thoughts
Sometimes it's too much to deal with
Say you wanna know how I'm feeling
But if we're real now

I don't want to be here right now
I don't want to be here right now

All that I'm feeling
Too much to deal with
And I don't want to be here right now

I write out these paragraphs to people and then I delete em
Try to tell em that I'm lonely
And that I need em
But you don't know what it does to me
And how bad that it sucks to be alone
When you don't respond after you read em
I broke down and cried in front of those I care about
They never text or care to check on my whereabouts
There's no more voices in my head because I scared em out
We all got problems, I'm just willing to air em out
It's in my blood, but by the time hit the base it's
Feeling numb, the only way I can face shit
What I need is someone to come and save me
When I drown, when I drown
I don't really wanna be here, I just wanna go
I just wanna be at home after a hundred shows
I just wanna be alone, so no, no not right now, not right now
And I'm tired of all the shit that I'm faced with
Needed help, the devil said I could take this
Put this shit up on my tongue and I could taste it
It's lights out, it's lights out

I don't want to be here right now
I don't want to be here right now

And all that I'm feeling
Too much to deal with
And I don't want to be here right now