ANXIETY

Anxiety
A black wave pulling you down every time you swim to the surface

You break down into pieces everyday trying to fade away
You stop breathing
But for some reason
Your heart is still beating

You start to wonder and you question God
What did I do wrong to deserve this pain?
Did I make you mad in anyway?
And If that's the case
Lord
Please forgive my mistakes

I'am only human but I can no longer take this pain
Tears falling down my face while I say a little prayer
Yes you know best
Momma thought me well

I talk to God but he doesn't a word back
It's like talking to an empty white wall
I sit and think about the day I will cry at your grave
And I can't help but feel sad and blue
So I write my pain away
But theirs a lot of anger in me too

Anxiety and depression came knocking to my door
So the devil said "honey your home"
Chills down my spine
Voices in my head
I remember them saying
"she's ours she will commit suicide any day"

And I still fight these demons once a month
Because instead of feeling "better"
I get suicidal thoughts
I probably cry every other day because time doesn't heal anything
It's only a famous saying they say

I've got a broken heart and a crumble soul
But I still show up for those who I love the most
Wake up in my bed ready for another day
I'am sorry i meant to say ready to fight anxiety again

I wish it was me and not you
Because not seeing your face only adds up to my pain
And I'am self conscious I write too many poems about you
Its not you it's me I still can't face the truth

I cry when I'm lonely sitting in my living room
I look around like if I'm waiting to see you
But your not here your with God and I can't visit you
So I will sit here and continue writing these poems about you