When I Was A Kid

I was just a little boy when I saw my momma get the beat down
Slapped around by a nigga
Knocked her teeth out
But when that man had came after me
Momma grabbed a blade and pounced
Told me not to make a sound
When she reached out to nail his jugular vein
The man swung and made sure
That she'd never see straight again
And when he turned back to look at me
I tried to run

Man I really wish Momma kept a gun in this house
Or that I'd have what it takes in a man
To get a Glock and shoot his ass down
I had to act like everything was peachy keen
Knowing damn well I'd get got
If the cribs' wasn't squeaky clean
And yeah I know it wasn't my fault
But tell that to the boy who's mom was down for the count
Everyone was quick to tell me not to grow up so fast
But they ain't know how it was when I was a kid man

Fast forward 2012
My cousin's giving em' hell
We're playing COD and we're kicking ass
In the top 10 we're mad dogs breaking off our leash
And I thought I had finally found some fucking peace
Till I saw that peace fly out his goddamn pocket
He made me think I was crazy
Said I ain't seen nothing
But I saw it and I knew ain't shit was getting better
The eye of the storm calls for awful weather

So I tore the house apart
I would've searched the ends of the earth
To find some confirmation
Instead, I let the rage fester
So when my momma told me it's all in my head
I tried to drop the ball
But then I found that she's hiding something
Yvonne was doing drugs and cuz' was selling for her
Giving up the drugs she needed as her mind and body suffered
I stood over top of my mom as she took her last breath
Any other kid would cry but I had to have a level head
That's what my cousin said
It pushed me over the edge
It filled my mind with regret
And now I'm stuck
This shit ain't fine or dandy
I wanna pop somebody like their last names ghadaffi
(Goddamn, man)
And yeah I know it wasn't my fault
But tell that to the boy whose heart had just been shot
Everyone was quick to tell me not to grow up so fast
I wish they knew how it was when I was a kid man

And now we're back to 2020
I wish I'd never seen 20
I sit back and think about all the obscenity
That I was forced to face
It makes me wanna fade away
If we're talking bout the shit I'm going through
I can rhyme it all day and night
My minds a constant vibe
B.I.G. was ready to die and now so am I
Cause all y'all complain when you step into the cold
But you speak to the people that have never been warm
All day long, I hear people talking this shit and that shit
It drives my mind insane and leads me deep into madness
I second guess myself now more than I'd like to admit
A little confidence
I wish I could say I had it
And despite how it was for me growing up I showed up
No matter who was making the call
Cause my heart's still strong and I'm still a human
So repeat after me, and join this revolution

One day you're gonna shine
Your future's fucking bright
Everything that I've said
Take that shit internalize it to the core
Don't be afraid to toot your own horn
The best day of your life was when you were born
And it's hard to see now but I know it wasn't my fault
I'll say that to myself until I know it's not my fault
I had to be a man in a grown man's body
And know you know how it was for me when I was a kid
You got me
(Feel me son)