Prayer

Lord, I don't give a fuck if your Christians hate me
They never gave me much of a chance
I still want the best things for them so
I avoid them when I can

I've tried sitting in their pews singing off the screen on the wall
They don't have much to say they haven't been bad as me
I can see it in their eyes that's all

They don't know what sin is even though they're in it all the time
They've never held the pen and offered the deal
Faustian covenant at a great expense
Never prayed to it for the visitor
Never knowing how it went
Never worshipped at sunrise in a circle within a circle
Thinking this was the right god, this was the true good

Daddy I want you to know I tried, you know I did, I'm just no good
I still believe Jesus, I know the sacrifice is real
I hope it's for me too, that's not how this feels
There's supposed to be light, good things coming from my life
My works are black like an opal knife
Hung on an x in a dungeon
Screaming into the soundless room
Just doom and despair, not kingdom living how can you be there

Am I the slave or the master, the moon waxing or wane
Life is pain just pain it's pain just all pain
The policy came through, the family has money
If I slipped away it would be alright
So can I go now, would you let me please
May I get out of here greatest of ease
Slip out while nobody sees,
Keep me or drop me, may I die now please

I want to think it'll be ok
I've wanted it countless times before
You open a window and I close the door
You have done everything right never let me down
I've fucked my whole life up a thousand times hands down
I don't blame you for anything, you have been loyal all
Maybe I heard once but never answered your call
I don't really want to die I want the horror to go away
I know I'm forgiven why do I still pay pay pay
The sin never goes away
Pain stays stays stays

I love you more than I love me, but that's not saying too much
And I still believe in my dungeon still keep me still keep me Yahweh