My First

You know, usually I would hesitate
About putting a lil monologue in front of this beat, or whatever
'Cause I'm really insecure about these voices
Yeah?
Yeah
You say this as if you're not a vocalist
I mean technically
*Laughter*
But this one just felt right, you know?

Yeah
Too Easy
Struggled adolescence, carried on into my later years
Native fear of everything, just thought that I should make it clear
Knew you shown resentment
I can sense your friends all in your ear
Sayin I ain't "good enough,"
Like they the ones who made it here
Know I got some flaws, but I been workin' on 'em
That's sincere
Since we already here, we'll be perfection, baby
In the mirror
Standin' by your side, your ride or die
The end is near
I just hope we havin' fun tonight before we disappear

Practice, practice, practice makin' perfect, I been told
But I've practiced for so long, but still so far from bein' known
Envious confessions that my messages behold
I been stressin', lookin' for fulfillment in life I suppose (yeah)
Dope in my right pocket but my mind is on a rope
'N my life is on the line cuz I got suicidal notes
That I've written in the physical, 'n written in my phone
Next to cadences and poems
That I've written while alone

Cuz I swear I've felt controlled
By impulses & behavior
But since the night is young & I'm on stage, I'm feelin' greater
I look among the crowd, 'n only you are standin' out
Mocha surfaces, you blendin' in wit' melanated sounds
Glad that you could share this moment wit' me, feelin' proud
My first ever performance, hope this normal in a while
Cuz though music distractin' me wit' motivated shouts
I'm just glad that you my present, in the present, in the now

It's hard to find someone like you
Don't know, but this night's a dream come true
The first in my life to see right through
The first in a while to share my view

Yeah
Pull up to the boulevard in khakis & a collar
Introduced you to my nada
Introduced me to ya' father
The relationship was fallin', but I helped you to move smarter
In your presence, fallin' harder
Time's a bullet, I'm the martyr

Location on-and-off again
Not stalkin' you, I promise
I just wanna know the roads you on
But prolly shouldn't bother
It's hard to know the boundaries I've crossed
That I should honor
I'm just never really used to this
These feelin's that I'm under
These feelin's that have got me in a chokehold, or spell
I mean well
My intentions so clear wit' you, I could spell
All them out
So personal
But wit' you, it's hard to tell
Cause this evenin's decievin' 'n you speakin' wit' a yell

I know you've heard about my past, 'n women that I've wronged
So it's hard for you to trust me when I'm speakin' through this song
It's hard for you to trust me when I'm leading you along
You don't know if Imma drop you or with you I'll Imma carry on
Or even stick along
Cause the karma I've obtained
From the actions that I've made
Know it's bound to see the light

And if the time we make
Back, I could never take
Glad I'm spending it with you
You involved in what is mine

'Cause honestly, I'll tell, you ain't the first to ever love me
The first to really mean it when you kiss me and you hug me
The first to really mean it when you giggly and you bubbly
All around me, and the atmosphere around us turnin' lovely
Nah, you the first to really mean it when you look past all the ugly
The first to see the vision I'm believin' 'n discussin'
You bein' in my life's by the design of one above me
You the Mecca, you turn rainy days to sunny, my love

It's hard to find someone like you
Don't know, but this night's a dream come true
The first in my life to see right through
The first in a while to share my view