Don't Touch My Clogs

Years before I was born, father told this to me
It was one Christmas morning in '73
There was one lonely gift nestled under the tree
My grandfather said, "Don't touch my–"

He said, "Boy, listen close, I am saying this once
"These were worn by my parents and their parent's parents
"Now they're yours but be sure to guard them with your life"
He said, "Don't ever let them touch my clogs"

You can take my cash
You can burn my house
You can force-feed trash
I'd let you kick my balls while I chewed on glass
Before I even thought about letting someone touch my clogs

You'll have to take my life
You'll have to steal my dog
You'll have to beat my wife
You'll have to kill my mom with a rusty knife
You'll have to break my legs before I ever let you touch my clogs

Don't touch my C-L-O-G-S
They're my clogs, uh

Father said, "You're my son, so I'll tell you the truth
I wore clogs without socks for the bulk of my youth
Now these clogs, they are yours, protect them with your life
I pray you never let them touch your clogs"

You can slap my wrist
I'd let you shave my head
Let you wax my pits
I'd even butt-chug bleach while you twist my nips
And after all of that, I still wouldn't let you touch my clogs

You can eat my lunch
And you can knock me out with a one-inch punch
And make me drink your sweat from a dirty sponge
You'd have to shoot me dead before I ever let you touch my clogs

It's my purpose in life to keep them safe until my child is at least 25
Then I will pass the clogs to them and they'll wear them with pride
And every single day from then
They'll make sure no one has touched their clogs

They're the one thing I love
The only thing that makes me sure there's a god up above
Those wooden clogs on my feet, and they fit like a glove
And I would give up everything 'fore I ever let you touch my

Clogs, C-L-O-G-S

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my clogs to keep
If I should die before I wake
I pray the Lord my clogs to take

You can take my cash (clogs)
You could force-feed trash
I'd let you kick my balls while I chewed on glass
Before I even thought about letting someone touch my clogs

You'll have to take my life
You'll have to steal my dog
Have to beat my wife
You'll have to kill my mom with a rusty knife
You'll have to break my legs before I ever let you touch my–