Cleanup Dive

Now I have to reach to find
What used to be repeating in my mind
Not compelled to tell a lie
Though it's easiest to say I'm doing fine
Evaded every urge to say
The secrets to my state of disarray
Shrug it off and lie to my reflection
Say it's all going my way

I'm learning how to put it into words
Clarity will hit me like the shoulder to the face
(At any place)
Growing up and playing in the dark
Demoted from the savior to the sandbox
Who let a bright spark go to waste
Oh I'm washing myself clean
And this torrent's only me
Underwater I can breathe
On the cleanup dive I see
All the backhands I tuned out
All the eight tracks played too loud
Paintings left at the old house
Can't find them now
I'm treading on top and the rest of the remnants will drown

Felt like I'd be perfect with a couple hundred changes
To my body, to my face, my personality, my ways
But I've reconciled with everything
Reflected on my history
Said out loud that none of it's my fault
I saw someone on the overpass and swore that it was you
Jerked my car onto the shoulder so I could get a better view
And it wasn't but I couldn't stop thinkin' about what I'd do
But I wouldn't rather never love than fall in love and lose

I'm learning how to put it into words
Clarity will hit me like a softball to the face
At Sharon's place
Growing up and playing in the dark
Demoted from the savior to the sandbox
Who let a bright spark go to waste
Oh I'm washing myself clean
And this torrent's only me
Underwater I can breathe
On the cleanup dive I see
Moms bedroom radio
An old long portfolio
Should've called at the old house
Can't find it now
I'm treading on top and the rest of the remnants will drown