Bloody Knuckles

Back again in my head, I tire of losing grip
Of my life and myself, I'm forced to withhold in silence
Although I'm loved, it's not enough, victim to neglect
A narrative made to dread, the thoughts in my head are violent
I deserve this hell I've earned, I feel like I belong here
Through dismay I'll waste today, I fell away from what was working
Lost the will to stop this trill, a lack of action feeds the fear
Thoughts of death and wasted breath, my scars beneath are hurting
I would
Never let this happen
But I feel
Like its all my fault
Trauma
Wants pain to be consistent
It will be
If you won't work through thoughts
On my life, I tried this time, to work through it and stay aware
I let pain just do it's thing and drag me to act on instinct
It hurts worse, to feel the burn but keep my hand over the embers
In return, feel unconcerned, beauty turned dark instantly
Clenched fist, skin is peeling
I find bleeding pleasing
Closed eyes, am I dreaming?
Please stop me from leaving
I can't afford to repeat
My composure is obsolete
I'm surrounded but I'm lonely
Fall into what lies below me
Watch as I start to slowly
Drown
On my life, I tried this time, to work through it and stay aware
I let pain just do it's thing and drag me to act on instinct
It hurts worse, to feel the burn but keep my hand over the embers
In return, feel unconcerned, beauty turned dark instantly
I know if I asked you that you'd say I dont ruin a thing
Feel like such a burden and it's only made worse when I drink
None of this even matters
All your problems are made in your fucking head
Just get back to where you started
Sick of calling and waiting on death