Burden

I'm burdened by my thoughts when I'm alone
Picking up the pieces as I go
Keep trying to get better but I know
That changes take their time and I am slow
I'm storing my anxiety in my bones
Pacing around blasting the Ramones
Waiting for vibrations from my phone
I say I want to leave but then I don't

I get nervous when you're like this
You can't tell that something's amiss
I'm not surprised, nothing's new
I'm outside heaving trying to
Catch a breath of air with my hands on my knees
When my fingers catch a tear in the side of my jeans
I think you know the pair, the ones with blood on the seams
Of the cuff from when I cut my leg on glass in the street
I know that I'm ashamed but I'm not sure what it means
But it's clear that I'm afraid of what has become routine
I see you everywhere, I swear you're stuck in my dreams
So I try not to sleep

I'm burdened by my thoughts when I'm alone
Picking up the pieces as I go
Keep trying to get better but I know
That changes take their time and I am slow
I say that I believe you but I don't
You say sweet words but nothing real to show
Can only blame myself, I should've known
I say I'm gonna leave but then I don't