The Ballad of the New York Times

They sell canadian grade a maple syrup in new zealand
It's expensive but i splurge so
I can put it on our pancake breakfasts and
Sometimes i forget to put the lid on and the ants come
Into the kitchen of this airbnb we've been renting
For six months for a fortune
And sometimes i take a magazine and i escort them
Two by two in a little glossy lifeboat into the garden
And sometimes i just create an ant holocaust
And kill them all with a paper towel
I don't understand which part of me is kind
I don't understand which part of me can be so goddamned unkind
I don't understand why i'm tired all the time
All i know is that last night i wanted to go to bed by five o'clock
And i took off my necklace and i turned on the heater
And i couldn't stop shaking so i put on a sweater
And i read the new york times
On an app in my phone next to my sleeping child
And the headlines hurt my mind
Five thousand dead - cher got an elephant back into the wild
And the light hit his face and his curly haired head
And i knew i should be reading a good book instead
I can't fit all of humanity into this bed
With me
Yesterday i walked by a homeless man in queen street
I gave him twenty dollars and then went into a cafe
And someone'd sent a crowdfund from their cousin in milwaukee
And their seven-month old baby died
And they don't have any money
For a funeral for the baby so they started a gofundme
And i fucking deleted the email... i didn't give them any money
And i didn't put it up on twitter, or share it on facebook
And later in the day i called my friend in boston
She has a five year old boy too and i asked how they were doing
And she said we're doing really great
We're just getting out of lockdown
And yesterday we finally left the house and went out walking
And we all went to the toystore
And i said
Oh that's amazing
And she said yeah
But you know of course the kids had to wear masks
And i was like oh, you know, that's fine
And she said
Yeah and also the kids couldn't touch any of the toys
But anyway enough about me
How are things going in new zealand
And i said
They're pretty good
I don't understand which part of me is fine
I don't understand which part of me can be so goddamned un-fine

I don't understand why i'm so random all the time
All i know is that last night i had to go to bed by five o'clock
And i took off my necklace and i turned on the heater
I couldn't stop shaking
So i put on a sweater
And i read the new york times
On the app on my phone next to my sleeping child
And the headlines hurt my mind
Ten thousand dead - and how that dress looked hot on harry styles
And the light hit his face and his curly haired head
And i knew i should be reading a good book instead
I can't fit all of humanity into this bed
With me
And emily's dad just died of covid
And neil's first editor just died of covid
And justine's mom just died of covid
And michael got real sick but didn't die of covid
And look a lot of people are vaccinated
And look a lot of people are lying on facebook
And look a lot of human life's getting wasted
And american swimming took gold at the olympics
I don't understand why the world can be so fine
I don't understand how the world can be so fucking un-fine
I don't understand why i've been drinking all the time

All i know is that last night i had to go to bed by five o'clock
And i left all my clothes on
And i pulled up the covers
And i got ash his dinner
And i let the dishes just sit there and i brushed ash's teeth
And we read harry potter
And i turned all the lights out and i should have known better
But i read the new york times
On the app in my phone in the pitch black room
And the headlines hurt my mind
Four million dead - and billionaires are sending shit to the moon
And the light hit his face and his curly haired head
And i knew i should be reading a good book instead
I can't fit all of humanity into this bed
With me
Shhhh mama's tryna read mama's tryna read mama's tryna read