Terms and Conditions (Live at New Century Hall)

This has been fucking amazing, Jesus, surreal
I'm gonna be thinking about this for the foreseeable future
And how good were Keyside and The Guest List, everybody?
Big round of applause, come on
Sadly, we only have one more song for you, um
And before I do that I'd just like to give a massive shoutout
To these people around me

Can we all give a huge round of applause
To Sir. Sam Sumner on the bass guitar
The one and only Ben Etches on thе guitar
Of course, Kate Couriel on thе violins
And last but not least, the one, the only sir Joel Goodwin on the drums

These are the terms and conditions for living in the UK
First, abandon kindness, it's a fool's game
Went to state school in the first place
That'll keep you two steps down in the rat race
You need to learn to hate America, Russia, climate change
China, rich cunts, poor cunts, the weather and the tax rates

Fuckers telling you to isolate
Labour and the Liberals and the Greens and the Tory state
Feminism, snowflakes, the EDL
Hate everyone and everything 'til you can't even stand yourself

Hate the fact you need money, all those who want money
The fucking game and the taste for wealth
And find love in beer and drugs and crime
Glory days before the others all arrived

Seek pride in your nation's contribution in the war
Watch films about soldiers, cry at what they died for
A fuck ton of corruption, the Houses and the courts
The Great British arse that soars
Right before it shits all over its own people in hoards
In education, policy, tooth and claw

And then somewhere between the crackheads and the Lords
The people who believe 'em and the police force
Is a most glorious nation of pride and patience
No, I'm only joking, of course

We don't smile too much around here, love
Wipe it off your face
Our terms and conditions consist of hate, ah

Part two of the UK's terms and conditions
All but the wealthy and the first-class citizens
Anyone poor or born outside of Britain
You must follow the following conditions, yes?
Okay, so what you're saying is the rules don't apply
To anyone with a winning lottery ticket as a bloodline?

The fact is, in practice, the rules do apply
Exceptions of taxes and COVID guidelines
Amongst other things, you know, murder, lies
With money, there's no such thing as a crime
'Kay, so what you're saying is your conditions is money making?
No, not money-making, money taking
Money taking? Yes
Money taking, after that, money saving
Placing said money in savings

So greed!
Not greed! Aspirations, see?
For those with a first-class degree
Of course, delectable family tree
Conditions favour the aristocracy
Equivalent of sitting in a stadium seat
You stand up for a better view, the guy behind can't see
Basically, T's and C's mean liberty
But freedom doesn't recognise poverty

Oh, shit
So smile, smile, smile
You got much to be thankful for
These terms and conditions were never truly yours

For the taking
Did you have me mistaken when you came to this country halfway?
The silly little dreams of a child half-baked
The mind of an animal scrounging for bait
Did you forget about me? It seems you did
I'm the fucking man, I decide who lives and dies
You are nothing but the blood between my eyes

I'd agree with each part of me
You are doomed for all of time
To revoke my spell, sans protest
Please

Thank you so much, I've been Seb Lowe
Have an amazing rest of your night, fuck the Tories and definitely don't
Step in line
Oh

I won't smile for you
Murder, oh, murder
Oh you lie, you lie
You, you, you, no, no, no, no
Smile, smile, smile, smile
For you, for you, for you
I'm not gonna smile