Something Terrible is About to Happen

I've been drinking too much
And I've fallen in love
With the things that hurt me
I think it's enough
But it's never enough
And my throat starts burning
Now I've been too old for a very long time
To try and still be like the kids that I liked
4 or 5 years ago
Clench my fingers tight in my palm
No such thing as "Remain calm"

Now I'm spitting up all the words that I trust
In exchange for a story
I'll always come up with new ways to give up
My mother warned me
She said "son, you'll fuck up
You'll think that you're tough
And it'll make them leave you alone
But you'll fight too much
You'll fight who you love
And lose everything you chose"

Twenty years old, I was bitter and cold about my teens
Letting it go and not tugging the rope is the hardest thing

Existential pessimism
Suicidal-led decisions
Living my life in front of a screen
Believing in things that I've never seen
And I'm fighting all these fake addictions
Tryna find the right religion
And all I come back to is the drink that's still in my hand
I wanna smile again