Bite Through My Tongue

Another year around the sun in search of
Anything to pacify the numbing belief
Irrespective of how our time was spent
But what solace we were graced, my friend
It all amounted to nothing in the end

You always watched me as I'd ideate
Diazepam and dulling ache

Open-eyed, I'd stare at the mirror
Drive my teeth straight through my tongue
It's so stupefying knowing that one day your life
Would be forgotten and
In the spaces between my discomfort and grief
I had nothing to offer to help you to sleep

No question ever conjured up enough
Detail to reconstruct
The trust that you felt I had broken
Shallow cuts for doubt to soak in

(Now I don't think of you in apathy)
You'd always watch me as I'd ideate (now I don't think of you in apathy)
(Now I don't think of you in apathy)
Diazepam and dulling ache (now I don't think of you in apathy)

Open-eyed, I'd stare at the mirror
Drive my teeth straight through my tongue
It's so stupefying knowing that one day your life
Would be forgotten and
I can't help but feel like I'm to blame
But if it hurt that much, then why did you stay?

In the spaces between my discomfort and grief
I had nothing to offer to help your sleep
Surrender to pain, still scarred at the wrist
An apostle for validation

Yarn for the tapestry, woven in anger
Rage for the sake of it, stuck on repeat
No heaven ever equal to your skin but
No hell like the wrath that lay beneath

Open-eyed, I'd stare at the mirror
Drive my teeth straight through my tongue
It's so stupefying knowing that one day your life
Would be forgotten

(If it hurt so much, then why did you stay?)
(Well, if it hurt so much, then why did you stay?)