Had To

I told her that I loved her for basically no reason
I try to do too much during the holiday season
I act too possessive when I know that I'm leaving
For a job that at times can act super heated
I played with a guy I ain't spoken to in years
I talked to a guy despite all of my fears
I turn the music up to avoid any emotions
I let em know how I feel, spread my feelings out like sun lotion
I shook his hand cause apparently we're related
I wanna stay at home but I never ever say it
I have a quick question that I never ever ask you
I ain't closed off or mad at you
I just do it cause I have to
Yeah I have to
I don't want to
Yeah, but I have to, yeah yuh
I do shit that I don't wanna do
So I can prove that I'm strong to handle it
And when shit hits the fan I never ask for help
I tell myself I'm good on my own I can do it by myself
I learned young some people aren't loyal
And I ain't talking bout the ones that been w me from the start
I'm speaking to the ones that barely even have a heart
The words you said didn't do shit, you sold me snake oil
Check the countdown 14 hours till we see each other
I say one thing but I really mean another
I reached out to get em for a feature
I ain't do it cause I want to
But I do it cause I have to
I didn't get more mature I just got better at hiding it
They say u age with time I don't really buy that shit
It's hard to understand my motives and what I do
If you wanna get mad at me, I don't really blame you
I got a lot of shit to say but I don't say it
Cause if I speak my mind, I might catch a fade
It's not like me to loud, I hate it
So I stay silent, but I only do that shit cause I have to