Flat-Hunting Bachelors

So me and my bestie Baba we're looking for flats
North Indians in Bombay, that's kind of out of whack
Not taking jabs but many landlords were mad sus
Asked us our caste, reject us coz we were bachelors

After getting told no about half a dozen times
We thought of marrying each other, but that was still a crime here
Until we met a broker of some great caliber
Wielding Excaliber, he had a flat for bachelors

Well, you might not believe the line-up that he had
We didn't know whether to be mad, sad or glad
In one, the hall was as big as a mat, the ceiling had a crack
Through which i could see clouds above us, crap

One house's roof was tarp nicely tied with string
Another had the ceiling five feet high
"Come in" How?
Now I'm not tall but even i was bending
The list of unliveable houses in this city is unending

I want to live in Bombay
We're just looking for flats
I'd rather be Harambe
Just looking for flats
I'd even take a shelf in a closet, oh well
The rent for the shelf is 10K, hell

Another one I asked where's the bedroom man?
He said the bed was next to the water tank
It was full of rats chilling, and the rats said scram
Haven't you heard of privacy man! Goddamn this city!

One was a PG with an old-school lady
She was sweet and all but just a tad too shady
There was just a single bed and she said come hither
"We'll have to adjust" which meant share the bed with her!

We finally shifted to an okay-looking one
The rent was cheap just about one kidney per month
In the summer we took turns defeating the ants
Then the landlord scammed, charging us for ant-cracks

But when the rains came, the roof was devoured
The only area with no water was the shower
Flat became a rainforest, we were scooping water with a pan
Sleeping in tents, it looked like a baby's underpants!

I want to live in Bombay
We're just looking for flats
I'd rather be Harambe
Just looking for flats
I'd even take a shelf in a closet, oh well
The rent for the shelf is 10K, hell

A mutual friend came, he took photos for his Instagram
I was praying the rains stopped and probably looked like Abraham
He tagged the pics #Poverty #TakeAStand
I said fuck it we're calling the landlord, that's the goddamn plan!

"Hello Landlord, every day we wake up in a soaking bog
Forget water, at this point we even have croaking frogs!"
He said sorry for your pain, we'll try to maintain
Then he charged us for the walls that were stained from the rains

But this is nothing in front of the horror
That women talk about
One's neighbour locked her out
Coz they fought about
Boys walking out late at night and without a sound
So he knocked one out with a water bottle and a sound alarm

The women screamed at the neighbours' violent spar
So he called the cops to make them stop
What he called a whoring-house
When all else failed, she called her boyfriend her brother
Just to keep out of jail, for real

I want to live in Bombay
We're just looking for flats
I'd rather be Harambe
Just looking for flats
I'd even take a shelf in a closet, oh well
The rent for the shelf is 10K, hell

Don't be defending this city it's pretty
But its just an itty bitty shitty
Think about the nitty gritty, this idiot flat
My girl Aditi is freaking pissed
I can't even risk a little hickey
Coz the neighbour's outside listening, man

I lived in a house with the toilet on a different floor
I lived in a house with a lamp and a paper door
And a house where you had to cross another house to get to yours
What the hell's the builder thinking, just vibes and empty thoughts

I want to live in Bombay
We're just looking for flats
I'd rather be Harambe
Just looking for flats
I'd even take a shelf in a closet, oh well
The rent for the shelf is 10K, hell