Tracing

Losing traces of myself, I put my heart up on the shelf
Tracing back to elementary with trace on photographs
Both emotionally and physically, Id copy and wear a mask
Say I did this, or this really me, so people get attached

Whether flaunting forfeit pictures or picking up personalities
I traced what I appreciated, cause I didn't notice me
So they would get close to me, I drew this wont you come and see
Draw conclusions on how to interpret my peers

Through one-sided dependency, pensively peering
Way from afar to see what's normal
Cause I ain't fed in cause I'm kafir apparently
Talking crazy 'bout me in language I didn't understand

I had no proof, but knew they'd judge me
Not living up to a name, I ain't choose
Those kids were ruthless in middle school
What's worse is I ain't had my own worldview

Or I did, but it got sheltered by the want
To fit in and be social, so I squeezed some puzzle pieces
That didn't fit, looking like a Picasso
Done drew me a portrait, a weirdly beautiful mess

Like I was drawn to everybody, erasing flaws to connect
I shadowed movements, even laugh at jokes I ain't get
I felt the stares lessen once I melted into a clique
But I knew deep down I couldn't keep this act up

Got pressured into my first rap and regretted a song
Making fun of a girl I knew to be struggling
Petty drama, adding trauma
To someone I now call a friend

Consequences immediately struck me
I ran away from school scared of what was coming
But I reflected and made a vow to myself
I'd never throw away my morals

In spite of somebody else, something so selfish
Nowadays always make my stomach ache
A full 180 in behavior, I stayed in my lane
In that decision though I noticed my surroundings had changed

I'm surrounded by people but now their looks at me changed
That was the first step to becoming who I am now
But the end line of what I wanted was still leaps and bounds
Cause even though I got my morals and me tightly wound

I still drew my makeup acting for niggas like a clown
Tracing
Tracing, tracing, tracing
I find myself confined within these lines
Tracing, tracing, tracing
Scared to come out still tracing my character
Tracing

Made MTG cause I know I matter to God
I'm killing all my competition no matter the odds
And I know you've heard me say that line a thousand times
So if I told you it wasn't always that way it'd sound odd
I'm parading around holding this facade

Not truly know how I feel or who I am inside
Imposter syndrome eating at me convincing me I'm a fraud
And mentally it ain't wrong, admittedly know I robbed
Characteristics from fictional niggas I admire

Cause they had the privilege of confidence that I desired
I'm sitting here mired in my anxiety
Suppressing how I want to react
Cause in reality most expressions would've been pitiless

They say art mimics reality guess I was in the reverse
I'm reading books bout romance and friendship somehow to reimburse
My emotional immaturity towards people at first
Whether happy, depressed, or angry I always played a character

Then COVID happened, that's when the tone switch happened
I'm trapped in a box just stuck with my thoughts just busy reenacting
All the interactions I built up until I hit the question
Who the fuck am I and why am I so dependent on validation

For the next few years couldn't see my peers I was stuck in incubation
Started knowing myself, put the books on the shelf
And finally stopped the tracing
Then senior year stopped living in fear finally stopped masquerading
Free to be goofy dude the real article and no more imitation, tracing

And now I'm done tracing Im finna colour outside the lines
Done tracing Im finna colour outside the lines
Done tracing I'm colouring outside the lines
Done tracing Im finna colour outside the lines

Done tracing I'm colouring outside the lines
Done tracing Im finna colour outside the lines
Done tracing Im finnacolour outside the lines
Done tracing Im finna colour outside the lines
Done tracing Im finna colour outside the lines
Scared to come out, still tracing my character