Growing Sideways

So, I took my medication and I poured my trauma out
On some sad-eyed middle-aged man's overpriced new leather couch
And we argued about Jesus, finally found some middle ground
I said, "I'm cured"

And I divvied up my anger into 30 separate parts
Keep the bad - in my liver and the rest around my heart
I'm still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them
But it's a start

But I ignore things and I move sideways
'Til I forget what I felt in the first place
At the end of the day, I know there are worse ways
To stay alive

'Cause everyone's growing and everyone's healthy
I'm terrified that I might never have met me
Oh, if my engine works perfect on empty
I guess I'll drive
I guess I'll drive

So, I forgot my medication, fell into a manic high
Spent my savings at a Lulu, now I'm sufferin' in style
Why is pain so - impatient? Ain't like it's got a place to be
Keeps rushin' me

But I ignore things and I move sideways
'Til I forget what I felt in the first place
At the end of the day, I know there are worse ways
To stay alive

'Cause everyone's growing and everyone's healthy
I'm terrified that I might never have met me
Oh, if my engine works perfect on empty
I guess I'll drive

And if all my life was wasted
I don't mind, I'll watch it go
It's better to die numb than feel at all
Oh, if all my time was wasted
I don't mind, I'll watch it go
It's better to die numb than feel at all

But I ignore things and I move sideways
'Til I forget what I felt in the first place
At the end of the day, lord knows there are worse ways
To stay alive

'Cause everyone's growing and everyone's healthy
I'm terrified that I might never have met me
Oh, if my engine works perfect on empty
I guess I'll drive
I guess I'll drive