My Age

Will I ever find a way to feel my age
Will I ever get a way to get up out this cage
Can I ever be myself when getting on a stage
Want to move it on but don't know how to turn the page
I don't got nobody that can fill my needs
Even when I was a kid I couldn't be free
Ain't nobody helping so I put it on me
I don't want to live it but I gotta let you see
Fearing that rage I was walking on eggshells trying to escape that heat
Then see peers they would bring out my fears and that's when I would really get beat
Only just a kid but I couldn't really live I could barely stand up on my own feet
I don't know where the time all goes but I really hope it doesn't repeat
Life wasn't threatened but couldn't feel safe not when at home or inside my own space
I was a child and I couldn't escape then bullied at school I just can't catch a break
Look at my past and I want to erase but I try to run all my trauma give chase
Go at a sprint and my demons keep pace I got no opponent but losing this race

Feel like a ship and I'm floating all adrift in my trauma like I got a broken mast right
Like I'm looking in a mist there ain't nothing there to miss in the memories I never even had highs
Lows come to hit and I fall apart a bit in the dark will I ever get to have light
I was told it's a gift but I don't agree with this cause I only ever had to live a sad life
Now life different that I let go my rage
Stuck inside my trauma and I cannot get away
Don't like to pick a fight the battles I wage
Only at myself now it's hard for me to gage
When will I ever get to break my cage
Can I learn to heal when I get up on a stage
How can I ever learn to feel my age
Had to grow up fast and I can't turn back the page

I don't know what it's like to be a kid
Would I miss it if I ever did
I don't know I never had that bliss
Thinking now that happiness a myth
Other kids were talking about how they want to play
Only had to think about a card they want to trade
Content to go outside and enjoy a sunny day
While I had to wonder why I didn't feel the same
Dealt with depression 'fore I knew what that means
Caused my insomnia I couldn't get sleep
Felt so alone like I couldn't be seen
No shock here I started cutting as a teen
Everyday problems they ain't ever really mattered
Effort to survive and it leaving me in tatters
Not making sense and my thoughts are getting scattered
Eight years old and my will already shattered

Feel like a ship and I'm floating all adrift in my trauma like I got a broken mast right
Like I'm looking in a mist there ain't nothing there to miss in the memories I never even had highs
Lows come to hit and I fall apart a bit in the dark will I ever get to have light
I was told it's a gift but I don't agree with this cause I only ever had to live a sad life

Now life different that I let go my rage
Stuck inside my trauma and I cannot get away
Don't like to pick a fight the battles I wage
Only at myself now it's hard for me to gage
When will I ever get to break my cage
Can I learn to heal when I get up on a stage
How can I ever learn to feel my age
Had to grow up fast and I can't turn back the page

It's crazy how traumas you experience early on
If left unresolved can stay with you until the day that you die
And can tear your life apart years after the events took place
I didn't have much of a childhood and I had to grow up too fast
which makes me feel a lot older than I actually am
With never being able to connect with my peers or even feel like a normal human being and
With the traumas that still haunt me
How can I ever learn to feel my age
How can I ever feel my age